Nana Ban - lets play with something, how about your life?

So where to start with the tales of stupidity this time? The beginning is always a good place to start.......

Last weekend I took a cab home from the pub in town..... after the owner of the pub had closed the bar down, we both strolled toward the taxi stand - he asked me as we walked toward the cab if i knew my address..... I repeated my address to him and then he asked me if i knew where i lived, i thought that because he was Australian this might explain in part his reasoning for asking me the same question twice and then just wording it differently......... However not realising in my slightly inebriated state that these two questions are far from being the same!

I get in the cab and bid farewell to my Australasian publican and his Japanese girlfriend. I rattle of my address which almost states everything including the planet I live on an we begin to move - driving driving driving........ I wonder if we should be home by now I think to myself? Then he starts to speak Japanese to me - "geez mate steady on - I don't know what your saying - take me to the supermarket..." I reply. God I know my address but I'm probably saying it wrong - I have no idea where I live......... Thaaaats what the publican meant!! Arghhh - I know the supermarket is by my house and its called "Happy's" - "hey mate take me to Happy's, Happy's, Happy's"..... in any other country and I would have possibly ended up in some other compromising situation by proclaiming that - but luckily for me I got home.... oh to be happy I thought..... but the poor driver I could tell was not happy and not about to pick up another foreigner in a rush.

So last weekend I went out to a place called Nimi.... now theres not much that rivals the ongoing blissful beauty that is the New Zealand landscape - but if Japan and New Zealand were drunken blokes in a bar......... well................. Japan wouldn't be blamed for having the unprovoked balls to poke New Zealand in his chest with Nimi standing in Japans corner.

This place was postcard picture perfect - the trees covered the hills with a leaf that seemed unnaturally soft to look at, the water was like a mirror that had been slid up alongside the lake bank reflecting everything that looked down upon it and we baked in sun that almost found you searching for shade.

The people I was with pulled out their kayaks and I abstained from this venture for reasons obvious to some....... taking in my surroundings and enjoying the company of a frog with a florescent green stripe down its back was entertaining enough...... and simple things amuse those with simple of minds I guess...... a friend and I looked after the bbq anyway (small side note - girls in Asia and Europe just want to play with bbqs like girls in New Zealand...... it doesn't matter where you are, the female form are yet to comprehend that the bbq is a mans out door kitchen - you've got one in the house we dont play with so dont play with ours when we are outdoors).

The others come back and we feast on Japanese bbq which is like a pretty and dainty version of a kiwi bbq, thin strips of meat with kebabs of chicken and asparagus......... it really is fantastic!

So we finish up - we get a few beers in us and the others decide to go kayaking again - only this time im not getting out of it. I remember kayaking at college - taming the Otaki forks and floundering around in the Waikanae pools as we learnt Eskimo rolls (is it an Inuit roll now to get all p.c?). We have a 2 seater kayak that the others kindly hold while I squeeze inside..... its a bit tight I think, but hey I remember how to vacate a kayak if anything goes wrong..... and like anything is going to go wrong anyway ha ha - we've only been drinking a little (hic) im partnered with a kayaking newbie and I haven't done this in over 10 years....... Lets go destroy this lake!

So we paddle off and within 10 minutes (if that) of leaving the dock we realise something is horribly wrong with the boat (most likely the passengers). We are struggling to keep it going straight and we are doing massive bumble bee turns on the water.......... just take it nice and easy, nice and easy................ oh bugger that, lets just splash each other! Half in a state of wanting to play and half in a state of wanting to sort out the damn boats steering im not paying much attention to the other kayak which is barreling straight for us........ this is when my chest apparently attacked another kayakers oar - the post event claim if things had turned really sour and the police were to be asking questions (my uncontrollable chest, does something sound a little off here ha ha ha). The boat tips and it rolls left once, it rolls left twice, im thinking we're still ok...... third time was not so lucky and over we go....... now what i remember from what we were taught at school was to correct the oar, flip the boat up again, paddle inland and do a haka.... However I went under, biffed my oar, and attempted to roll out of the kayak................hmmm im stuck in a kayak under water, without my oar, upside down and running out of air......... was that last beer such a good idea i wonder? Its funny how the green haze of the lake just calms you as you batter yourself to remove the kayak your attached to....... I come up for air to faces staring very concernedly at the water that I've just pierced through...... theres silence for all of two seconds followed by an uncontrollable laughter - as my kayaking partner swims closer i notice the water gets warmer - oh the hilarity of the stupidity of the situation i find myself in! I think it was a solid 5 minutes of laughing before i can bring myself to actually accuse the aforementioned of relieving himself in the water.......... for which he strongly yet smilingly denies. Im towed ashore with a kayak full of water and another body hanging on to empty our vessel and attempt stupidity 101 again, however second time around it is a much more sober affair......... I mean how do you splash someone satisfactorily if you've already tried drowning them?

Theres more to tell but for now i will leave it at that - I hope your all sitting up straight with your arms folded behaving yourself!

K