Ju roku ban - dont speak out of turn, and always know best before dates.

Hello long lost friends....

This update (should, like the last) satisfy some of you but, I also await the comments that read "that was the worst blog i have ever read" ha ha ha - a rushed blog isn't a good one, aye?

Getting into things here - I had my parents visit me this time round and a shout out to my cousin and his wife who recently got married, i had a visit from Naiyer again and i spoke my thoughts in front of a crowd under a bridge.

Well my parents came over in what almost seemed like the hottest month of the year - im sure we cracked 40 degrees (Celsius for you American readers) and i heard Okayama was happily placed number one in the country when it came to having sticky ice cream run down your fingers. It was hot. My air conditioning unit had a workout.

While my parents were over we visited the Okayama gardens, the castle, we ate out and my parents became accustomed to the taxi cabs and self closing doors. I was pretty lucky as both my parents had their birthdays while visiting here and dad turned a grand six ohhhh.

Now the castle, the gardens etc, that was purely local while Kyoto (with its temples), Nagasaki (its gardens), Tokyo (its towers) Hiroshima (and its bomb) all got a look in also.

While they were here my cousin wed his partner in traditional fashion and we all got to witness a less than plastic wedding. The bride looked stunning, while the groom looked equally (and literally) as hot wrapped up in however many layers of clothing that were required. It was a day of tradition that i was so glad to be a part of. There was one small moment in the car where things got a little hairy for me. I had to ride with 3 other women up to the ceremony, we all got in the car and about halfway there my nostrils started to tickle.... i didnt fart, oh jesus one of these girls did and it smells like a cat crawled up there and died, what should i do - of course they are gonna think its me, so wind the window down i thought........ no then that confirms for them its you arghhhhhhhh JUST DO IT NOW. So i crack the window and like a dog with its tongue out of its head i suck back the fresh air. Yep good one Kane, one person here KNOWS it wasnt you, while two others are pretty sure it was, all the while all of them think you're an idiot.

Either way we arrived and were treated to a wedding not worth forgetting.

Naiyer poked her head around these parts and we rented a car once again....... budget rental cars, like Naiyer said - "they almost feel like a second family, we have visited them so much". I think the look of shock or horror comes from us either returning cars bashed up, scratched to pieces or late as opposed to smiles of glee as we enter their realm....... most of the incidences i am guilty of, so Naiyer has that as her saving grace.

There was one morning i woke with the day off, and determined to satisfy this girls desire to see the red faced monkeys i thought back to my Tsuyama trip........ I know where there are hundreds of monkeys! After hiring a car (the shock and the horror, oh those poor people) we began our 1 hour journey to Tsuyama (which quickly became two hours), upon arrival i bounced out of the car and eagerly made my way up the hill to the payment office, with pictures of monkeys stuck to it I puffed out my chest with pride and lead Naiyer up the hill so happy with myself that i was going to be the master of satisfaction......... but as we neared the top i knew something was off.

Was the air too cool or was it monkey nap time?

Where were they?

"Oh great" i thought - just my luck, my awesome last minute plan had failed........ "but they so often work"?

No monkeys and a disappointed girl to contend with - ohh look at the waterfall though i thought, it looks wet and watery..... i had nothing. So it only seemed appropriate that we should miss the turn off, drive another 30 kms out of our way and return the car late.

Two days later though i was saved in Kyoto as we saw monkeys, a Geisha, and a Zen garden that was awfully rocky.... oh not to mention our budget rental car buddies.... shame.

My friend Manabu rung me up and invited me to a bbq, i thought excellent and agreed. A nice quiet gathering around at his house would be rather comfortable so lets get involved. He picked me up and drove me to his place with our limited speaking skills in action. We arrived and i went to get out "STOP, stop, stop you wait me get camera" he says ummmmm ok. He returns and i realise this bbq is not actually at his house but im not sure where.

We arrive near the city center, and by a football field that has 20 or so people cooking food under a bridge, and more people arriving as we do.

I enter the event and think "meh, just get amongst it" - i am introduced to Toshi who i have met before and he introduces me to Yoshi, a small smile comes over my face but then Yoshi turns around to Scochi and introduces him..... the silent straight face cracks for me, i just met Toshi, Yoshi and Scochi, this is gotta be some candid camera setup or something, it must be a make fun of the foreigner episode.

We all ate and i was the center of attraction with everybody wanting to try their English out on me. It was mostly below average but they were so eager to please and such nice people. Everyone was getting up and giving speeches as we ate and i didnt suspect i would be called. But sure enough a call for Kane comes over the microphone.... what the F....?!

I walk up and attempt to satisfy the masses with at least 60 eyes peering at me in anticipation of my impending social doom. I am aware English isn't the spoken language, but i give it a crack anyway.

I say how wonderful the event is and how grateful i am to meet everyone - i try to finish it at least four times with a 0 response...... oh god, i bite my bottom lip hoping the pain transports me somewhere else...... I say the magic words "thank you" and the crowd recognises this and erupts! YAY i think - a moment to dash.

I sit with the crowd some more and eat while they drink and converse...... its at this moment that it hits me - where am i and what am i doing? Siting under a bridge eating a bbq out of a half cut barrel surrounded by a language i am not fully competent with - ahhhhh ignorance is bliss i thought.

Ju Go Ban - white weddings and an urban awesomeness.

Wow im having a real spell of regularity here it seems. Im talking about my blogs, not my bowel movements thank you very much.

This month has had its moments but i must keep this blog entry brief, or i run the risk of sitting awake far too late on a school night.

This month found me driving the streets of Okayama with a random stranger and an ongoing miscommunication being suffered with the locals.

There is a photo processing place a couple of blocks from my house, and i have been venturing over there once a week in order to have some of my photos developed....... and blah blah blah.

WHOA!

ok....... I got off to a good start and i was keeping it regular, but i was distracted and ohhhh look a stray dog, you never see stray dogs here in Japan..........

ok ok ok i really have to stop this - its the little things that throw me off and last time i was here i wrote all of one sentence and was side tracked by a roaming canine.

Right so i met a random person named Manabu who gave me a lift home and we ended up eating together and i have dined at his house with his house mates for a little, we are keeping in touch and he appears to be a sound bloke. I could go into great detail about how we met but recently i have other insights i wish to cover in this rant.

I needed to get to the hospital the other day......... except i didnt know how to say "hospital" in Japanese and the word "hospital" is like hearing "take me to gobble de goop" to a Japanese person. So im sitting in the back of a taxi trying to direct the driver to a location im not 100% sure of myself in a language i barely know while both parties are getting frustrated at one another's presence.............. We got there eventually ($40 later) and you would think it would motivate me to learn the language............. sadly no - it motivated me to just learn how to say "hospital" in Japanese.

I went up to Tokyo recently for a mates wedding. Wow its big. A landscape that stretches with an urban jungle for miles and miles.... as far as the eye will let you see. I will get to that shortly...

I went to this wedding and was sitting with the grooms brother before the ceremony began, we joked casually about how everything was so white and pure and how childlike it made you feel. The Japanese put a real emphasis on the idea of a white fairy tale wedding, which with first impressions makes you giggle slightly. A harp player in the corner, with a quartet supporting her,

and dolphins diving toward one another, projected onto a huge white curtain, that spanned from corner to corner of one side of the room to the other, it was uncomfortably cute. But the ceremony began and the bride floated into the room to be greeted by the groom with myself only momentarily distracted by the white curtain retracting and an astounding view of Tokyo appeared to back drop the focus of everyones attention. We ate well and i met some amazing people, there was one family that took me out for an evening in Tokyo the following night that i owe greatly for their absurd levels of generosity.

While in Tokyo i visited the fish markets (overrated smell fest) but had an ulterior motive that arrived later that day. I welcomed Naiyer and was pleasantly surprised......... all be that the methods used in order to meet her were initially a little unconventional inside my own head........ but times have changed and the process means nothing when smiling about the result.

We went to Tokyo tower with the Kimura family and out to tea that evening. I tried to pay the bill, which didnt sit too well with them, although im sure they appreciated the gesture once they understood my desire to do so. It was at this point in the evening that you started to miss making your point while having an English conversation.

The next day arrived, and we went back to Okayama on the train. It was without real event, but not knowing if the train we were getting on, was in fact the right one was a little concerning.

Back home we went out to a "Yaki-tori" restaurant here and i had to bust out my Japanese skills while ordering a meal........... as far as i we know i got everything i ordered and the local cat wasnt cut up and fed to us that night! Yay Kane!

Next we hired a car and ventured south/west to Miyajima, the deer roamed free here and seemed friendlier than my time spent in Nara, so friendly that one decided my cup of flavoured ice i was holding was his, and later the oyster we were eating, was a good start to the $20 dollar bill that the deer in question decided to chomp on.

Again we ate out and to the surprise of the couple sitting near us we acted like full blown children while dining near the site of the atomic blast. Who says i shouldnt be eating dairy and then goes and orders a cheese pizza in front of me?! In her defense - i played it up fully and i shouldn't even be writing about it as it was a non event but it made me smile.

Kurashki called us amongst other moments and we decided to catch the train there. 3 stops too far and i figured it was about time to start paying attention. We back tracked and made it there. Wow what a pretty little village, i have been before but you soak up so much more of your surroundings on a revisit. We went to a museum that had works by Picasso and Fredricks to name a few names inside.......... What strange Japanese names i thought. The day was filled with moments of candid daftness and i asked some posing kimono girls for a photo, the response to this was midly amusing. I took my photo and was asked to pose with them.... "you are super cute and cool too...... i like you" how can you say "no" to a photo request like that ha ha? So after hearing "one more please" more than once, and having 6 or so girls demanding shots with you we left to head back to Okayama, on the wrong train.

I have often have had to stop myself going off on my eating tirades, but we went out for a final meal at the sushi house i had previously devoured whale at....... i dont know why i thought this would impress the girl who had previous recommend the movie "The Cove" to me. We did however eat well and it was nice to pull your chosen dishes off a tray without fear of having to converse in the foreign language im surrounded by everyday.

Well that was the short version of Nai's visit and wedding dramas - im going to pick my parents up now. I thought the last two week were a moment in time, i guess here is another one of those that im not going to forget quickly.

Ju shi ban - now it is golden.

I find myself wanting to start this update as I always start, by habitually claiming that I am sorry for the lateness of the update and eluding to the idea that I have nothing to write about. Neither is true this time (and probably the latter statement is only in part true inside my own head).

This last month has found me on an island, by a river and under a waterfall....... with zero drownings.

We begin with............ Awesome land. Its a small island of the coast of Inujima which is a small tourist destination off the mainland of Japan..... before we arrive at Awesome land I better describe the journey there.

A ferry ride over to Inujima is where my trip begins and im sitting there surrounded by 30 other Japanese folk all with the same initial intentions...... to make it to Inujima without having to swim any of the distance. As the captain appears, he is looking like he just got out of bed and would rather be somewhere else, I notice he is wearing a "Jamaica" top with a massive marijuana leaf on the back........... im almost certain, unlike most places in Japan, that he is saving money on uniforms, and based on our intentions, the previously mentioned outlook is bleak for all of us.

On the ferry I met an English speaking bloke called Nobu. He was a very nice chap who attempted to translate for me to another couple of old fellas and then he invited me over to his island cafe of on Inujima (that is if based on our transport choice, we ever made it).

We arrive at Inujima without injury and the initial fears were nothing but a distant memory. I said farewell to Nobu only to find his cafe 5 minutes later and greeted him like a long lost friend with a whole hearted konichiwa! We sat in his cafe with a beer in our hands sharing stories of meetings and travels we had both taken..... which reminded me that I had a prearranged rendezvous point and shouldn't be sitting around drinking with a new acquaintance.

I left Nobu to wander the streets of Inujima and make my way, ever so nonchalantly, across the island to my meeting point, to be kayaked across to Awesomeness. On my way I enjoyed the flowers of spring and ran into one of the old chaps from the boat. He was rambling on about a mirror and how it would be a good photo and angles and what not......... pff like I really knew what he was saying - I took another picture of what he was pointing at, thanked him, and said see ya.

I made it to the rendezvous point and sat down with a certainty that it had been too easy to find.... this certainty led to me wandering about and asking a woman (in correct Japanese I might add) while showing her a map - "Where am I?" She had no idea what I was going on about.......... so I just waited in the sun.

I had been correct all along, and a friend Ross arrived not long after to ferry me across to the island in his kayak (after him and Haydn madly kayaked from the main land). We arrived to meet Haydn who was enjoying a spot of fishing as I soaked up the goodness of this little widely unknown secluded environment.

I would find it tough to describe the island in full, so I shall leave it at a most memorable moment. It was around 11pm at night and the ocean lit up with every small but breaking wave. Ross pointed and yelled to Haydn (whom had both been before) "look its happening, its happening again, that glowing shit is here!" Now I was aware of the "glowing shit" but both Haydn and I assumed that with a skin full of beer and wine, Ross had begun to see things, but I speak for myself when I say I doubted him yet I entertained him and went to the waters edge to inspect.

To his credit - he was right and I stood there in amazement as the water glowed like someone had dumped a heap of nuclear waste in the water. It was very strange to say the least and would only light up and react when you touched it. There was no moon and no nuclear power plant nearby so I failed to explain it.

The next day arrived and the night before had left me feeling a little worse for wear but we had to depart our camp and farewell the wild things on this land of secludedness.

The Asahi river is a major river running through Okayama and an enjoyable location for those who like to do nothing (me) to sit on the banks of, and those who like to kayak (Mariko and Haydn) to paddle away a Sunday afternoon.

As the other two floundered about in the water I took a stroll and photo graphed a duck and a boat amongst a million other photos of god awful birds.... it was a good day sitting in the sun but I didn't enjoy reviewing a literal thousand photos of birds doing stuff like flying and sitting, when i got home...... yeah birds with wings not the other type of bird, that wouldn't find me complaining.

As a small consolation to a day of bird (with feathers) watching I did managed to capture the sunset.

The last thing I have decided to talk about is the waterfall near a place called Tsuyama. Coming from New Zealand I didnt expect much and when we arrived I was pointed toward a dribble of water over a rock and was told that it was the waterfall.......

not expecting much I said it looked great but had a resounding scoff noise echoing in my head. We walked up to just past where you buy your tickets (tickets for a god damn waterfall??!??!?!?) and I soon realised the shaking bushes were full of monkeys! We round the bend and follow the stream only to discover not ten but hundreds of the little buggers walking about and grooming themselves amongst us people folk! Oh and there was one monkey who had staked his claim to a rock and was defending it with his life.

We continued up the path, passed the fish, passed the monkeys, and to the waterfall. Upon arriving I couldn't help but find it humorous that one little boy was checking his brochure just to make sure he hadn't been lied to, and that the picture in the brochure was in fact of the actual waterfall.

Monkeys are cool, waterfalls are nice and the sun is warm. It was a good day again so I was happy.

I will end it here but finish with a parting thought. This time was mostly spent during golden week, which is just that - one whole week of time off for everybody and I think New Zealand should look into this.

Until next time - behave padres.

Ju san ban - don't complain about the events at the temple, when you're guilty of the same at the supermarket.

Well its been one year, one month and four days and I still hate karaoke (although recently I have found myself strangely enjoying it - the more you drink the better you become it seems).

*photo missing

My last update found me in another country, enjoying the festive season and I thought the story was good enough to last me for at least 12 months........ but once 2 months had passed I knew it had gone over its best before date and now 4 months down the track I realise - the longer I leave THIS update, the more effort I will have to put in later.

I have successfully completed a year of teaching and I am very sad to see the children move on...... We finished with a graduation ceremony where the older kids donned graduate caps and gave a farewell speech... Not much to say here really about it all except it was good/bad day. Good that the kids had achieved something and bad that it rained.

Well with that being one of the more recent events that I feel I should mention, I shall now return to events that happened earlier this year.

The first was a supermarket incident that I need to get off my chest (there is always a supermarket moment). It was the fruit and vegetable department late on a midweek night. They had started to clean up and there was a trolley full of asparagus sitting in the middle of the isle. I needed to get asparagus I thought, and so grabbed a bag to fill. The supermarket assistant immediately came over barking orders at me while pointing to the shelf behind me. I knew she was saying "don't take those, there are some fresh ones behind you" but instead all I heard was "ooga booga ooga booga booga" with which I smiled and cheerfully responded with "konichiwaaaaaa"...... it was at this moment that she stopped and looked at me like I had two heads and backed away slowly, like it had just become apparent to her that I had contracted airborne rabies. I kinda don't blame her, to be working away, and see an opportunity to point a customer in the right direction, only to be met with an overly enthusiastic "HELLO" would probably weird me out also. My only explanation is that I just had a brain melt down and in my fluster I responded with a knee jerk response, now I shop with headphones on and music blaring.

Last month I turned 30. As much as you expect things to change overnight and a sense of maturity to come over you........... it doesn't. That person passing the mirror still occasionally pulls stupid faces at me and makes me laugh. The way I see it is that he is just a little older looking.

So anyway as I was saying I turned 30 and celebrated the event with a small group that bought me a computer, covered me in cake, feasted on 'Yaki Niku" (beef barbeque) and screamed ourselves stupid at karaoke..... well I did anyway, and gee did I sound good! It was just like someone had put the CD player on...... another beer please!

Recently I have been gallivanting around taking photos of anything and everything. Ever since I grabbed my cousins camera a couple of years ago and pointed and clicked, the feeling just captured my attention and so I went out and bought a Nikon something something. I wanted to immortalise spring here, as it seems so short lived, and just the idea of entertaining the tune "turning Japanese" comes to mind.

I have missed plenty out and am going to hate myself for these lost memories at a later date........ but the fact that I have remembered not to record them here should help me recall them later on....... yeah Kane good work - thats definitely how all brains remember stuff you egg.

I will finish with a quick moment that happened to me as recently as two days ago. I went down the local temple (like the local dairy in NZ - there is at least one on most corners near your house here it seems, but they have less going on and they appear a little more well maintained than the dairy's back home) to photograph the blossoms that have started appearing. There was another school floating about that seemed somewhat interested in my presence but happily ignored me also it seemed. I snapped away merrily and became almost oblivious to their presence. As I sat down on a low concrete verge (just to the bottom right of the photo) a teacher from the other school approached me. He asked me where I was from and and what I did for work amongst other things.......

I responded with im a teacher from NZ and I didn't understand his Japanese sorry, to which he called the school over to introduce themselves in English which was quite daunting. Im sitting lower than the 20 seven year olds all surrounding me screaming "hello im ..... " while a Japanese teacher is instructing them on how to introduce themselves in English properly and I am having to respond to each one with Hello so and so, while the teachers gasp in amazement as I respond to each child with his/her correct name that they had just told me.... it was weird/wrong/horrible event and not how I had wanted to spend my day off. Im not going back to that temple in a rush.

Till next time - stay cool till after school.

Hung, drawn and Qatarised.... I digress.

The problem im currently facing stems from the idea of, how do I make this blog sound less like a literary slide show about my holiday to Qatar in Doha and more like an entertaining report on the living life of a kiwi lad outside of NZ....

Doha has a flag which is half maroon and half white separated by a jagged edge of 9 serrations whereby each serration represents one of the states of the United Emirates leading up to to the aforementioned 9th state being Doha...... the white colour is representative of the peace this country abides by and the maroon represents the blood that was shed prior to achieving the peace......... stop stop STOP - Kane its not a general knowledge lecture, try again.

So we landed in Qatar (which felt like a perpendicular landing to the runway) and we exited the plane to a winter that was nothing like the winter we had left in Japan. I quickly realised upon arrival that a "scarf" was a non essential item.

I could rave on and on about my experiences in Doha, but for most of you I fear a loss of interest so I will just outline some of the highlights.

Firstly we will cover driving - so I thought Japan was bad ha ha ha - not even close. Everyone in Qatar seems to think they are a formula one driver, and arriving at there destination with the fastest speed possible will win them the Qatari/Le Mans championship title. Now at all costs is their individual race going to be won, and no man shall stand in the way while negotiating this quickest possible route............ Taxi courtesy in regards to a comfortable safe ride is non existent here.

My driving is average at best but you're safer in a car with me touring France than you are riding as a passenger with a local in Qatar. So we shall leave the driving at that.

I went to the local museum of Islamic art with my father...... the museum was full of old stuff (dont know what else I was expecting) but the nice new looking exterior tickled my fancy... it was good to just wander around with my father for a while and talk about how big the place appeared and how old the stuff inside it was. Sadly my art history appreciation failed me this day and I was more inspired by the buildings exterior and lavish entry way decked with palm trees and a mesmerizing water feature that ran from basically the front door, a good hop skip and a jump down the stairs away from the building.

My cousins (Haydn and Oliver) along with partners (Mariko and Jess) and I joined one day for a night in the desert. Prior to our evening in the huge sand safari that was surrounding us we had the pleasure of some off road shenanigans.

Now for a moment think like a young 16 year old kiwi lad with a new drivers licence, he has the keys to his parents four wheel drive along with a property that is backed onto the local beach filled with sand dunes, his mates want to be wowed by his "mad driving skills" and if he damages anything its ok because his rich grandfather will always bail him out. These guys seem to have made a business out of this concept and have started taking people on their tours. It was a well worthwhile little moment of madness.

After we had experienced the desert at 140 kilometers an hour, traveled swiftly behind a fishtailing SUV followed by a brief stop that had one member of the accompanying group throw up due to the motion sickness.

We arrived at camp and enjoyed a bacon free BBQ while puffing on the local shisha pipe. We settled into our air conditioned tents (air con was not needed at this time of the year luckily, but I just wanted to mention its availability, as the

air con decked out tent impressed me) and we slept well in the knowledge that we had endured a day of high speed car recklessness in the desert and we were now just left in the middle of nowhere. The next day we were picked up and driven back into town and I must say the whole experience has me smiling even now which is weeks later - hats off to these lads with what seems like a simple plan to them, but a great moment in time for me.

In my opinion food is a big draw card when visiting somewhere new, and the dates in Qatar were fantastic! A flavor that oozed freshness and a size that dwarfed the standard bagged up weirdness we get back home.

Oh yeah and while on the topic of food the baby camel I ate smelt like it had been shoveled off the road out the back of the restaurant we were dining at one night....... however it was super tender and once you got past the aroma it actually tasted a fair bit like very well done but gamey lamb.

Next topic, Hair cuts and beard upkeep. This was a part of my trip I strangely fell in love with - I don't know if it was the neck cracking massages, the adrenalin rush I got from someone holding a blade so close to my throat or the price tag of $15 for a shave and a haircut compared to the $80 I had to pay last time I was back in NZ! My little obsession (more so with the shaving and general bearded upkeep) found me in the barbers at least once every 2-3 days and I was quickly becoming rather attached to the ever so well trimmed facial hair that I had sworn to shave off on the first day of the new year. These barbers I miss tremendously.... however with more thought I think I just liked someone else having to take care of my shaving routine that didn't involve me doing anything more than just sitting there.

Moving along and onto wrap up mode, one of my final days had me travel to the north of Doha to see some old town ruins. Walking through this place I couldnt help but wonder who had been here so many years before me but the bag of rubbish sitting next to me suggested the garbage man had dumped his load off recently. The concept of "long term" and "environmental damage" like myself seemed foreign to this place. Out from under the bag a beetle ran chasing what seemed to be my shadow. He was a grunty little sucker that soon realised my shadow was moving and that he was safer under the bag from which he had come. I managed to get a shot of the guy before he departed and he reminded me of those beetles off the film "The Mummy". As happy as I had been playing dodge the giant unknown, possibly yet unlikely, harmful creature, I turned and left him at peace in his ruins.

Its at this point that I shall stop myself for now (we havent even touched on health and safety (or the lack of it) for which you can see in this last photo, with the construction worker nicely modeling a non existent hard hat and safety cable, perched perilously on top of some random building).

It was a good Christmas and New year with my mother, father, auntie, uncle, cousins and partners - I enjoyed meeting some of the local residence (like the millions of madly breeding cats that just roamed the street until (and im assuming) were being stewed up and labeled as baby camel for some flash restaurant in town) and teachers at my parents school.... the holiday ended though and I returned to a rather chilled Japan and an internet free household because someone hadn't paid their unreadable internet bill......... yeah I should sort this language thing out ha ha.

With that said and done - Qatar, it gets a thumbs up from me.