Japaneasy?

Japan, no ninjas in this Forrest.

2011-06-07T16:10:00.000-07:00

Well this is it I guess, the end of my Asian invasion. I must admit it had its ups and downs but home is where the heart is and I have returned there now.

Japan was for the most part fun and new, the language barrier should have provoked me to learn a little more of the language but I found you could get by and live without knowing it, it is a secluded life and you say a fond farewell to understanding that of idle chatter, but it is doable.

I left my job, all be it later than I probably should have, and I was sent off with numerous gifts from the mothers, photo albums to remember my visit and electronic photo frames to store some of my recorded memories, I was given a number of little prayer charms that are apparently rather strange to give and for only those of elitist stature (the end part I possibly made up ha ha) I had my flat cleaned with the help of some guys I met on my travels to Japan and I forever feel grateful to every one of them who came to my aide in my hour of .................. oh woe is me............ lets just get going to enjoy the tropical climate of Korea.

Right smack in the middle of winter I flew in and the city of Seoul was blanketed in snow that looked like a covering of sand to me, entering Seoul reminded me of my days in Qatar intially, until you unboarded the plane and felt the climate difference.

So I hobbled off the plane and noticed my luggage had been tagged? I was stopped and asked for a contact number in Korea that I should know... "Bro, I don't know any number im just meeting someone". For a moment or 5 it looked like i wasn't going to be let in, "im just here for 3 months and then im out ok ,dude?" "You stay 3 month then go, any longer and we find you, remember contact number if you come again ok". What a welcoming party....... Shakily I boarded my bus ride to Wonju which is south of Seoul to meet up with Naiyer (who was also teaching there) for which I was very excited about.

Naiyer met me at the bus terminal and after I had devoured numerous doughnuts we took a taxi back to her place. It was small and nice and the underfloor heating made for a change from the piles of ice built up on the roads outside!

As she worked I spent my days thinking about my time in Japan amongst watching films and generally abusing the internet connection that is limited and allotted here........... home makes you realise that abroad they are not spoilt for internet but instead back here we are being ripped off for our cut of it.

Watching the snow fall most days and freezing, outside of the comforts of indoor living I eagerly awaited my return home to the long white cloud. Karaoke and raw fish amongst nights of dodging horrendous driving skills had made me aware that Japan is beautiful, but only to visit.

I thought about my final visit to the bank for which I wanted to close my account. I didnt have a "hanko" (your signature in stamp form) so they got me to sign several sheets, after some time the paper work had become tiresome and hard work in nature, but my signature had to look exactly the way it was when i signed up for the account two years prior..... "ummm dude i have changed slightly and my signature must have also" "i am velly solly, you must fill out folm again and sign same as befoll" on my fourth attempt "thank you lat is good" freeedom i thought, amongst leaving and not closing my account.

Japan has a very bureaucratic approach to most things, and for a kiwi such as myself it can be quite a culture shock but we were in Korea right?

The first thing you notice compared to Japan is the care for their cars, Japan is pristine, if you dirty your car and keep driving it then the best thing to do is to park it up afterwards and commit Seppuku to attest for your crimes, in Korea clean car care is not a priority.

Korean food is tasty but very much like Japanese, however they do seem to eat a much higher intake of fermented cabbage in hot spice (kimchi) and im quietly a fan of this so it went down well.

I met a couple of Naiyer friends (Shannon and Adam) one night and we went out as a parting dinner, they were lovely and Adam the Brit gave me the low down on some Ricky Gervais viewing worth seeing. Both were lovely and very lively kind of people.

Naiyer and I boarded our flight to NZ with one last stop in Japan, I didn't think I would be here again so soon...... only to find out that Naiyer couldn't come into NZ without a ticket out........ why did we even get sold a ticket out of Korea if they knew this would be the case?!

We bought a ticket to Australia (since thats were all the criminals go ha ha) and boarded the flight......

12 hours later and it smelt good to be home.

I concluded this journal blog thing with a link regarding my situation, 6 years ago I was suspected of having multiple sclerosis and 4 years ago I had that confirmed while touring England. Im now keeping a record for myself of my progression for which I invite you all to see. You can click on the user name feverant and then subscribe if you choose to do so........ So here we have it, introducing the old but new me 4 videos in:

http://www.youtu be.com/watch?v=cmmREhfmuLE&feature=channel_video_title

thanks to everyone for reading for now.

Kane

2011-05-26T01:36:00.000-07:00

I have departed Japan, i never suffered the quake as i got out in time and went to frezzing Korea but here is a look at some of my trip..............

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mamk8HDnQgQ

Thai bye? :(

2011-01-19T20:05:00.000-08:00

the trilogy concludes......

so Koh Lanta we were to enjoy, a tropical island paradise that just screamed "relax..... you've most likely had a tough trip in my country, and now you should just calm yourself".

We spent a day travelling in bus, with horrible slow back breaking seats, to the bus terminal on Koh Lanta island, two barges (transported with cattle - you dont feel like a cow unless you travel with one) and one psycho driver later (he dropped his girl off, and they must have had a fight because he just snapped, with his foot floored and the blind corners were for nothing but over taking)..............

we arrived in Koh Lanta and were loaded onto the back of a truck to be transported to the hotel, i couldnt help but think what if i jumped off - then you would have an escaped human to deal with!

We arrived at the hotel which couldnt help but claim itself as a world within another world. The fast paced hustle and bustle of a life left living was out doors, and in here you paid to relax, and in here thats what you should do.

We spent the first night eating on the beach and i instructed the waiter to bring me out "something Thai"........ he brought me something that looked like a cow had eaten another cow, then passed this onto a plate, meanwhile the cook had sprinkled spices on top of it, masking its true smell. It tasted better than it looked but Naiyer look down her nose at me and my pile of............. and said "well eat up, you've learnt your lesson".

We booked a tour from this resort and after a day of R and R we met on the beach to depart. We boarded the burn mobile (the sun was unforgiving on this), and sailed for over an hour across seas and passing light houses to a snorkling spot that surrounded you in coloured fish as you entered the water. After this we continued to our next destination - emerald cove.

We arrived and you entered the water where you swam through a cave which opened up into a hidden utopia. It was like some child had made a clay mould of a beach with mountains that surrounded it, stuck their thumb in the middle and gone oh i forget how people get in......... lets make a cave to it with my other thumb. With foiliage large and green, waters blue and clear and sand that glisten white while it radiated heat, you couldnt help but think you had stepped onto the set of some ridiculous hollywood film... it was so perfect..... why were so many coming here yet so few had decided to ruin it - maybe there is hope for us yet? Im calling Mcdonalds - they forgot a spot.

We continued visiting beaches you see in postcards and although i enjoy photographing, my camera sat unused as i struggled to take all of the scenery in.

We traveled to Krabi island after spending 3 days on Koh Lanta.... The trip back was an ease we desired and the taxi to our hotel was pre-arranged for our bon voyage a day later.

That day in Krabi we took a boat to Raleigh Island but this trip was not without final failure as the boat waited until we were halfway through our journey before dying. Sitting stranded halfway between here but not there, the chipmunk sailing the boat tinkered at the engine (purely for our viewing pleasure) until instructing us we must jump ship..... What mate? I didnt pay for this, he waves another boat over and tells us "you on boat, here no"........ yeah yeah ok bumpkin - i moving, Geez.

We board the boat and leave Jethro to fix his floating bath tub, with 21 hopefuls on board we sail onward to Raleigh island.

We arrive and it is yet again another beach with gorgeous hills and beautiful white sand with clear blue water lapping the shores..... as i lye on one beach mat and use the other to cover my back i cant help but think of the passers by who look at me and think - oh that special white kid doesnt know how a beach mat works..

We returned to Krabi to watch the sunset and dine on prawns as big as cray fish and swim the evening away in the hotel pool....... That night i closed my eyes with a sense of sadness, this trip was ending, this heat would be over, its still winter right?!?

We awoke to wait for our pre arranged taxi on the following day.... hes only 10 mins late, i mean 20 mins late, i mean....... 30 mins where the hell are you son?!?! God damn island time! An hour later and an alternative taxi comes to our aide, "what time you fly?" he asks "what time you pick us up, you despicable excuse for a taxi company" i thought.

at the airport i bid farewell to Naiyer, and leave her with her K pop stars as i begin my return to the cooler climate of Japan...... On the plane i see the setting sun, i think to myself that the whole time being here i have desired the comforts of home but now that is likely i do not want to leave this place of fond memories. Goodbye Thailand, dont forget me.

the well greased money machine squeezes some more.

2011-01-09T17:59:00.000-08:00

part two............

so i decided to leave you last time on the borders of Cambodia and Thailand, it was late at night and the beggars while the homeless children were also....... this blog does the children nor the experience any justice. I walked away from this night with memories burnt into soul that can never truly be shared.... like an Air New Zealand campaign ad - "being there is everything."

so after we crossed the border, caught a bus for 20 minutes to our taxi and then drove two hours to our destination, with a driver who spoke little or no English, and then took a tuk tuk 10 minutes to our hotel, we arrived in Siam Reap, Cambodia.

The hotel was excellent and having walls without gaping holes made for a nice change.... the iron bar windows did make me wonder but they covered mosquito netting so i quickly forgot about them.

We were hungry and felt the need and urgency to eat... fear had momentarily driven that urge away but with comfort and some normality it had returned with a vengeance.

We got in a hotel supplied tuk tuk and were driven about on a bumpy path to our first restaurant.... it seemed inviting with dining under hanging vines and a giant gate entryway that again re-enforced this strange feeling that it had only been erected to keep the bad folk out? Anyway it was closed and we ventured on to another (im sure of this) closing restaurant. The staff kept the doors open for us and waited on us like we were of royal blood. The call for "above and beyond" was heard by these people, and i think the unsure fear seen on our faces had been responded to by these individuals wanting us to leave with a fond memory of the place. The food was amazing - possibly not as extreme as the spices of Thailand but still amazing none the less. Our waiter served us with a sense of embarrassed curiosity and routinely checked on us to see that the food was of our liking. The restaurant seemed to be an erected bamboo monument with a watery entrance way.... as we parted ways with the staff we thanked and tipped them, they smiled nervously and all came out to see us off..... having them see us off and standing in a line very graciously, it epitomized the evening and the food not only left us feeling more secure but also the service.

The next day we awoke to be taken on a tour of some of the temples this place had to offer, we were picked up by a man named Borey and driven by car to a temple the famous "Tomb Raider"" had been shot in. With a tree growing on top of it and vines encapsulating most of its exterior it felt very mysterious but at the same time very inviting. As i waddled around this place a beggar type was found in the ruins selling incense and what not - are these little buggers everywhere i wondered?

After we went for lunch and two little girls caught my attention, they asked my name and i asked theirs, their names where Ring and Hiam, according to Hiam, Ring loved to ask this but was embarrassed this time... adorable little things selling flutes on a park bench outside the restaurant. I asked them for a photo and they agreed so i gave them a buck each... the look of boredom quickly changed to laughter and i returned to Naiyer and my meal as the girls giggled and pointed at me amongst one another. We ate well again and i had my food delivered in a coconut shell...... i picked at the interior thinking it was coconut flesh.... urghhh the tart horrid taste suggested to me it wasn't. Stupid boy -WHY did you eat that.... its a bowl not for dining on!?

As we left the number of children outside had doubled and "mister mister" was all i heard with the response "nup nup, im broke" being responded with - then Hiam the little girl from before appeared and thrust something into my hands - very quietly she said thank you mister and backed away to her friend Ring. I looked at the bracelet, flower and postcards that her and ring wrote to me on.... for a moment i felt like reaching into my pocket and giving them more money, but i knew this was not why they had done it. The cards both read simply "my name is ........" with Ring's card stating that she was 12 years old and they had both drawn the flower that they gave me. I thanked them and made my way to the car. It was a very humbling moment for me.

Borey took us to Angkor Wat temple. We stopped at numerous temples along the way but this was by far the most impressive. Surrounded by water the little shops had sprouted up again also and the pestering sales pitches from the roaming shop keepers bothered you relentlessly like the evening mosquito's. Photos were taken here and Borey and I had a moment to chat, he asked me about my relationship and i asked him about his child, i was not aware you must be married before having children in Cambodia, the punishment for not being married but having kids, i dared not to entice.

Borey was amazing and really deserves some recognition, if any of you decide to go to Cambodia and want a very very in depth background on the surrounding temples at a very reasonable price then email borey_hang@yahoo.com - he is 30 and very knowledgeable.

We returned to the hotel and ate at their restaurant..... i think this was the only "interesting" pit fall of the stay, where by Naiyer ordered tomato soup with yogurt and was delivered with pieces of tomato cut up and served in hot water with a yogurt container dropped inside also...... a very very very unusual concoction.

The following day we boarded a bus that picked us up from our doorstep, only two blocks away and took us to the bus terminal, 20 mins from the border. After we sat and waited while we ate dog meat sandwiches a German appeared and asked us if we were coming, "da bus is leaving, you are coming no?" back on the waiting bus and settled, we almost got forgotten about in Cambodia? You said 2 thirty its not even 12 whose running this show?!? At the border 20 mins later and we must get off......... We paid to get to Bangkok but we must disembark? We didnt know what was going on and everyone else looked clueless also. At the border our visas were removed by one man and then the following official asked us for our visas?!?! What the hell, you buggers just took em, and no im not filling more forms out, just check your god damn computer!!

Daylight or night time, crossing this border is a misery, no no night time does suck but daytime is only slightly less of a head ache. We get across finally and our bags are returned (a level of faith was needed here), and we board another bus for our 4 hour trip back to Bangkok.

On arrival we exit the car with our bags and a taxi immediately pulls over to help. Naiyer asks how much and i hear her laugh, "Kane did you hear this......" I look over and ask him how much to the hotel, he exclaims "3000 baht"?!? We might look like tourists but (sorry mum) taxi driver - you can fuck off. "We paid less than that to get 4 hours away by taxi", he reconsiders and lowers his price to 250 baht while Naiyer tells him "OK but she is watching the clock". I can tell he stands there and thinks "they look like tourists but i cant rip them off, rats now for 30 minutes of honest work".

Naiyer pays the cheeky little f*** with coins and he reluctantly takes payment and departs. Yes the shitty little change is mostly gone!

The next day we travel to Phuket, Eco hotel and Hana the taxi driver awaits us. We fly there and taxi over to the hotel, fairly problem free.... whats going to go wrong i thought, this has become far too easy. We pull up at Eco and are greeted by the owner, in broken English she says "hello, me not think you come to stay so me give room away" hmmmm. Ok, badness encountered, but she follows it up by saying "another room i have for you, so you not worry" WTF?!?! Why even mention the first room!?

We get settled in and venture to the Phuket markets, We buy new luggage to replace the old and have dinner in a restaurant close to the hotel - Siam Thai was its name and it was a little gem found in the middle of no-where. The owner came and conversed with us as he saw me dig into my meal of duck without care for an audience. He was a nice guy and briefly passed us by to tell us "New Zealand is where the sheep are scared and the garbage cans are empty....." i barely listened as i refused to use the cutlery provided and ate the duck hanging from my mouth..... i dont think any brownie points were won with Naiyer that night and my manners need working on.

Phi Phi island and a boat ride to(Maya beach) where they filmed "The Beach" film and numerous people decided to have a glamour shot taken, thus it had our interests this day. The water was blue the islands were green and we were not only charged for the boat ride there but also to keep the shoreline beautiful upon arrival......... this money making machine was well oiled!

New years was had on the shores of Phuket with numerous lanterns and fireworks being let off. We sat on the beach after a dinner of hamburgers and Thai food (the hamburgers had meat colouring, that was all the meat) and listened to the other celebrators around us remembering a life once lived. I just sat there thinking this sand feels nice, but wait until you stand up and it sticks to you like white glue that wont peel off with ease. Old man syndrome was setting in.

The new year had day had us panicking as the credit card had seemed to have shut down..... but with the help of Hana the taxi driver we were able to find cash again and a bus to Koh Lanta were the scenery just got better and better......

Thailand - let see what you have?

2011-01-08T18:19:00.000-08:00

Where do i start, where do i begin.... it sounds like nothing more than a chemical brothers musical sound track that i will link for you here so most of you understand what im talking about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ba58cWjoRqI

Updating this blog from such wide spread moments is my own demise and i should do it more regularly in order to keep these thoughts i have current but they seem to be eluding me from hour to hour these days.

I have decided that a multi part saga does this more justice, and so with that i will throw into it...

im sitting in a Taiwanese airport currently with the time being half 1 in the morning and a small voice in the back of my head telling me to go and lie down but i fear my baggage will disappear as i drift off to dreamland and my conscious grasp upon the human race not being slaves to the dollar has all but been nullified as of recently so i grasp my luggage closely.

To be fair, I dropped in on Thailand recently with a small excursion to Cambodia, and as rough as Cambodia's infrastructure came across with pebbled streets and sandy main highways, the hospitality was wonderful. As far as Thailand goes i think a more assertive hand is needed when haggling with taxi prices, and looking like a tourist wins you no favors in location like this one.... in Phuket it got slightly better.

I will begin by saying i got off the plane and met Naiyer in Bangkok airport. Two intrepid travellers with very particular desires met and the journey began. We were shown to our first taxi and were delivered to our first address......

this is going well we thought, "hello" we greeted the hotel staff "do you have our reservation?" we enquired... with blank stares, we were responded with.... apparently they didnt know we were coming - "we cant find your reservation". After much confused deliberation and our reservation found, we were shown to our room..... with geckos crawling on the walls, out of cracks from the straining structure, the bed looked to inviting to dwell on this moment for long enough to worry about and our head hit the hay almost immediately.... nothing was waking me except for a tiny buzzing noise, like a nose clipper going off in you ear routinely, fixed with a makeshift tent under the covers!

First day there we ventured to the MBK shopping mall, things were bought and things were bargained but i dont think this was the area to be throwing your weight around when it came to haggling...

now day two was a different story with us heading to the JJ? shopping district. The heat beat down on us as we arrived before 8 and we knew it was possibly going to be a long day. Naiyer left me amongst the locals to go find food and not long after she left 8am arrived and some announcement came over the speakers - everyone stood still and upright? What the hell is going on i thought as i continued to sit amongst them all. The national anthem came over the speakers and everyone bowed there heads as it played. It was airy how the hustle and bustle of this market just halted, and you could hear nothing but the sound of a strung cat over the speakers, like a public service announcement to the members of some old German concentration camp. Naiyer return with a very puzzled look upon her face and asked "whats going on?" to which i could only reply "i have no idea" and as soon as it had begun normality returned and the locals went back to ripping each other off.

Naiyer went and did her "girl thing" and shopped (for me mostly) while i spent a good few hours watching a blind group set up a stage for a production, i later on found out that they were giving the show... i was sitting near the stage and held my breath most of the time as i have heard they have a freaky sixth sense when it comes to hearing..... i guess being blind it just makes it a fifth sense that is kinda freaky.

Anyway one of the guys setting up lost his amplifier button and i picked it up, i helped him find it and thought yay thats my good deed for the day as two other band members came fondling one another from around the corner. With the girls top half off and open i thought this was a good time to start breathing again and i drew deep breaths as i stumbled off for a meal of spicy roast duck.... in hindsight i now realise a heavy breathing slow moving character, probably wasn't the smoothest departure one could make for a slightly disheveled held girl in public..... oh well we left and Naiyer and I met again to ride a meter operated taxi home.... (far and few of these found).

Now my days get a little hazy here so im just going to point out high points i can recall - it doesn't help that it is half two in the morning either.

Right next stop a tour to the floating markets

but not before we are almost crushed by several tonnes of moving iron. We begun the day by meeting our guide named Nina who took us to a market that involved a slow moving train running along the track (which was also the walkway) that we had to scuttle (along with hundreds of others) out of the way, as it passed within centimeters of the products being sold,

as i am pulled off the tracks by one of the store owners as the train approaches i wonder who pays for this kind of a tour - fly covered food and a near death experience, im sure this is booked up for months in advance!

After the train track dance we head toward a drowning destiny (or so i thought) but instead i was quite pleasantly surprised.

You enter a boat the reminds me of something you might ride in Venice but instead of a stick on the bottom to push it along it is motorised and propelled and after we exit the chaos of bumper to bumper boats initially it was extremely peaceful riding the water at a slow pace passing the shop owners and low hanging mangroves as we ventured further and further away from the markets.

Right that over with i was rather happy with myself, i had dodged a train and not drowned at the floating markets - whats next Naiyer? "Lets ride an elephant and go swimming with it?.............. why not?"

We turned up and were greeted by "Full Moon" which apparently was one of the nicest elephants there, before boarding the huge vessel (can you call an elephant a huge vessel?), we fed her. The trunk was so huge and leathery as it fondled about our feet looking for bananas to scoop up and eat... not single bananas but bunches at a time and devouring them was like inhaling them. 7 bananas at a time gone in the blink of an eye. we hopped on the huge animal and it slowly moved down hill to the water.... ok Kane a certain death you're looking at now, if its not squished by a train or downed falling out of a boat then its going to be crushed by this elephant. We went down to the water and the big fulla(ress) took us in... we were asked if we wanted to go under and just at that point two big piles of animal dung pass us by we yelled out yes but just let them pass as the guide jabs me in the back then laughs and motions for me to look behind.

Arrrrgghhh feces river! Im going to be swimming in feces river! Just then the elephant attempts to throw us off - well Naiyer puts up a good effort but i pull her in with me.

We splash and play with this gentle beast as many tourist pass us by mostly staring and wondering the simple question of why, then we return to the hotel. Today i played with an elephant i thought, wow, today i played with an elephant - ten years ago i didnt envision that.

We decided that if crocodile wasn't on the menu then watching them perform was more in order. We went to a crocodile farm where a plucked chicken strung to a long pole greeted us and we hung it perilously over the edge while snapping teeth attempted to not only eat the chicken but pull hard enough that we might follow the same fate.

The crocodiles performed and i never thought i would see a show that would make me nervous until the bloke stuck his head between the jaws of this prehistoric bone carving machine...... take your head out, take your head out you egg, i do not want to be witness to and chewed up version of you... This is NOT the story im returning home with, ohh look over there a dog in the lion cage, what a tough doooo, whats the dog doing? The dogs having sex with a lion? Crush his head! EAT HIM CROCODILE, EAT HIM!!!!!

The next day we left for Cambodia. The taxi was an interesting way to choose to travel but the buses we found out were fully booked on arrival to Thailand. At the border 4 or 5 hours later dusk had started to set upon us and it gave the beaten path an even more eerie feeling. We crossed the border departing from our ride not knowing what we were going to. We were helped at the border crossing a young man who looked like he had starred in one of the Indian Jones films as a kid, and now had grown up. Crossing the border for lack of a better word was slightly disturbing. I thought i was prepared for most of it and that i had seen it all but i hadnt seen it all and at that time of the night all things looked much worse. Children lying on the ground covered in flies begging for money while other children surround you screaming "excuse me mister, excuse me mister, have you got a dollar" quickly sent running by our friendly fellow who would soon after ask me to check my pockets and reassure himself that im ok. About three check points later and we find ourselves on a bus with 6 other locals and a promise of transportation several hours from the border, all in broken English. The locals disappeared from the bus one by one, and Naiyer and i looked one another with a shared feeling of "wolf creek" echoing through both our minds. Unsure of our ability to secure our destination in there was a sense of panic that i have no problem admitting to. We got there eventually arriving in our rusty old Honda accord. The tuk tuks had changed form and the roads had become much worse there was a feeling in the air that had me holding my passport tightly, but everyone we had encountered had been lovely to us so far.

Ju roku ban - dont speak out of turn, and always know best before dates.

2010-10-10T01:41:00.000-07:00

Hello long lost friends....

This update (should, like the last) satisfy some of you but, I also await the comments that read "that was the worst blog i have ever read" ha ha ha - a rushed blog isn't a good one, aye?

Getting into things here - I had my parents visit me this time round and a shout out to my cousin and his wife who recently got married, i had a visit from Naiyer again and i spoke my thoughts in front of a crowd under a bridge.

Well my parents came over in what almost seemed like the hottest month of the year - im sure we cracked 40 degrees (Celsius for you American readers) and i heard Okayama was happily placed number one in the country when it came to having sticky ice cream run down your fingers. It was hot. My air conditioning unit had a workout.

While my parents were over we visited the Okayama gardens, the castle, we ate out and my parents became accustomed to the taxi cabs and self closing doors. I was pretty lucky as both my parents had their birthdays while visiting here and dad turned a grand six ohhhh.

Now the castle, the gardens etc, that was purely local while Kyoto (with its temples), Nagasaki (its gardens), Tokyo (its towers) Hiroshima (and its bomb) all got a look in also.

While they were here my cousin wed his partner in traditional fashion and we all got to witness a less than plastic wedding. The bride looked stunning, while the groom looked equally (and literally) as hot wrapped up in however many layers of clothing that were required. It was a day of tradition that i was so glad to be a part of. There was one small moment in the car where things got a little hairy for me. I had to ride with 3 other women up to the ceremony, we all got in the car and about halfway there my nostrils started to tickle.... i didnt fart, oh jesus one of these girls did and it smells like a cat crawled up there and died, what should i do - of course they are gonna think its me, so wind the window down i thought........ no then that confirms for them its you arghhhhhhhh JUST DO IT NOW. So i crack the window and like a dog with its tongue out of its head i suck back the fresh air. Yep good one Kane, one person here KNOWS it wasnt you, while two others are pretty sure it was, all the while all of them think you're an idiot.

Either way we arrived and were treated to a wedding not worth forgetting.

Naiyer poked her head around these parts and we rented a car once again....... budget rental cars, like Naiyer said - "they almost feel like a second family, we have visited them so much". I think the look of shock or horror comes from us either returning cars bashed up, scratched to pieces or late as opposed to smiles of glee as we enter their realm....... most of the incidences i am guilty of, so Naiyer has that as her saving grace.

There was one morning i woke with the day off, and determined to satisfy this girls desire to see the red faced monkeys i thought back to my Tsuyama trip........ I know where there are hundreds of monkeys! After hiring a car (the shock and the horror, oh those poor people) we began our 1 hour journey to Tsuyama (which quickly became two hours), upon arrival i bounced out of the car and eagerly made my way up the hill to the payment office, with pictures of monkeys stuck to it I puffed out my chest with pride and lead Naiyer up the hill so happy with myself that i was going to be the master of satisfaction......... but as we neared the top i knew something was off.

Was the air too cool or was it monkey nap time?

Where were they?

"Oh great" i thought - just my luck, my awesome last minute plan had failed........ "but they so often work"?

No monkeys and a disappointed girl to contend with - ohh look at the waterfall though i thought, it looks wet and watery..... i had nothing. So it only seemed appropriate that we should miss the turn off, drive another 30 kms out of our way and return the car late.

Two days later though i was saved in Kyoto as we saw monkeys, a Geisha, and a Zen garden that was awfully rocky.... oh not to mention our budget rental car buddies.... shame.

My friend Manabu rung me up and invited me to a bbq, i thought excellent and agreed. A nice quiet gathering around at his house would be rather comfortable so lets get involved. He picked me up and drove me to his place with our limited speaking skills in action. We arrived and i went to get out "STOP, stop, stop you wait me get camera" he says ummmmm ok. He returns and i realise this bbq is not actually at his house but im not sure where.

We arrive near the city center, and by a football field that has 20 or so people cooking food under a bridge, and more people arriving as we do.

I enter the event and think "meh, just get amongst it" - i am introduced to Toshi who i have met before and he introduces me to Yoshi, a small smile comes over my face but then Yoshi turns around to Scochi and introduces him..... the silent straight face cracks for me, i just met Toshi, Yoshi and Scochi, this is gotta be some candid camera setup or something, it must be a make fun of the foreigner episode.

We all ate and i was the center of attraction with everybody wanting to try their English out on me. It was mostly below average but they were so eager to please and such nice people. Everyone was getting up and giving speeches as we ate and i didnt suspect i would be called. But sure enough a call for Kane comes over the microphone.... what the F....?!

I walk up and attempt to satisfy the masses with at least 60 eyes peering at me in anticipation of my impending social doom. I am aware English isn't the spoken language, but i give it a crack anyway.

I say how wonderful the event is and how grateful i am to meet everyone - i try to finish it at least four times with a 0 response...... oh god, i bite my bottom lip hoping the pain transports me somewhere else...... I say the magic words "thank you" and the crowd recognises this and erupts! YAY i think - a moment to dash.

I sit with the crowd some more and eat while they drink and converse...... its at this moment that it hits me - where am i and what am i doing? Siting under a bridge eating a bbq out of a half cut barrel surrounded by a language i am not fully competent with - ahhhhh ignorance is bliss i thought.

Ju Go Ban - white weddings and an urban awesomeness.

2010-06-14T05:47:00.000-07:00

Wow im having a real spell of regularity here it seems. Im talking about my blogs, not my bowel movements thank you very much.

This month has had its moments but i must keep this blog entry brief, or i run the risk of sitting awake far too late on a school night.

This month found me driving the streets of Okayama with a random stranger and an ongoing miscommunication being suffered with the locals.

There is a photo processing place a couple of blocks from my house, and i have been venturing over there once a week in order to have some of my photos developed....... and blah blah blah.

WHOA!

ok....... I got off to a good start and i was keeping it regular, but i was distracted and ohhhh look a stray dog, you never see stray dogs here in Japan..........

ok ok ok i really have to stop this - its the little things that throw me off and last time i was here i wrote all of one sentence and was side tracked by a roaming canine.

Right so i met a random person named Manabu who gave me a lift home and we ended up eating together and i have dined at his house with his house mates for a little, we are keeping in touch and he appears to be a sound bloke. I could go into great detail about how we met but recently i have other insights i wish to cover in this rant.

I needed to get to the hospital the other day......... except i didnt know how to say "hospital" in Japanese and the word "hospital" is like hearing "take me to gobble de goop" to a Japanese person. So im sitting in the back of a taxi trying to direct the driver to a location im not 100% sure of myself in a language i barely know while both parties are getting frustrated at one another's presence.............. We got there eventually ($40 later) and you would think it would motivate me to learn the language............. sadly no - it motivated me to just learn how to say "hospital" in Japanese.

I went up to Tokyo recently for a mates wedding. Wow its big. A landscape that stretches with an urban jungle for miles and miles.... as far as the eye will let you see. I will get to that shortly...

I went to this wedding and was sitting with the grooms brother before the ceremony began, we joked casually about how everything was so white and pure and how childlike it made you feel. The Japanese put a real emphasis on the idea of a white fairy tale wedding, which with first impressions makes you giggle slightly. A harp player in the corner, with a quartet supporting her,

and dolphins diving toward one another, projected onto a huge white curtain, that spanned from corner to corner of one side of the room to the other, it was uncomfortably cute. But the ceremony began and the bride floated into the room to be greeted by the groom with myself only momentarily distracted by the white curtain retracting and an astounding view of Tokyo appeared to back drop the focus of everyones attention. We ate well and i met some amazing people, there was one family that took me out for an evening in Tokyo the following night that i owe greatly for their absurd levels of generosity.

While in Tokyo i visited the fish markets (overrated smell fest) but had an ulterior motive that arrived later that day. I welcomed Naiyer and was pleasantly surprised......... all be that the methods used in order to meet her were initially a little unconventional inside my own head........ but times have changed and the process means nothing when smiling about the result.

We went to Tokyo tower with the Kimura family and out to tea that evening. I tried to pay the bill, which didnt sit too well with them, although im sure they appreciated the gesture once they understood my desire to do so. It was at this point in the evening that you started to miss making your point while having an English conversation.

The next day arrived, and we went back to Okayama on the train. It was without real event, but not knowing if the train we were getting on, was in fact the right one was a little concerning.

Back home we went out to a "Yaki-tori" restaurant here and i had to bust out my Japanese skills while ordering a meal........... as far as i we know i got everything i ordered and the local cat wasnt cut up and fed to us that night! Yay Kane!

Next we hired a car and ventured south/west to Miyajima, the deer roamed free here and seemed friendlier than my time spent in Nara, so friendly that one decided my cup of flavoured ice i was holding was his, and later the oyster we were eating, was a good start to the $20 dollar bill that the deer in question decided to chomp on.

Again we ate out and to the surprise of the couple sitting near us we acted like full blown children while dining near the site of the atomic blast. Who says i shouldnt be eating dairy and then goes and orders a cheese pizza in front of me?! In her defense - i played it up fully and i shouldn't even be writing about it as it was a non event but it made me smile.

Kurashki called us amongst other moments and we decided to catch the train there. 3 stops too far and i figured it was about time to start paying attention. We back tracked and made it there. Wow what a pretty little village, i have been before but you soak up so much more of your surroundings on a revisit. We went to a museum that had works by Picasso and Fredricks to name a few names inside.......... What strange Japanese names i thought. The day was filled with moments of candid daftness and i asked some posing kimono girls for a photo, the response to this was midly amusing. I took my photo and was asked to pose with them.... "you are super cute and cool too...... i like you" how can you say "no" to a photo request like that ha ha? So after hearing "one more please" more than once, and having 6 or so girls demanding shots with you we left to head back to Okayama, on the wrong train.

I have often have had to stop myself going off on my eating tirades, but we went out for a final meal at the sushi house i had previously devoured whale at....... i dont know why i thought this would impress the girl who had previous recommend the movie "The Cove" to me. We did however eat well and it was nice to pull your chosen dishes off a tray without fear of having to converse in the foreign language im surrounded by everyday.

Well that was the short version of Nai's visit and wedding dramas - im going to pick my parents up now. I thought the last two week were a moment in time, i guess here is another one of those that im not going to forget quickly.

Ju shi ban - now it is golden.

2010-05-07T23:48:00.000-07:00

I find myself wanting to start this update as I always start, by habitually claiming that I am sorry for the lateness of the update and eluding to the idea that I have nothing to write about. Neither is true this time (and probably the latter statement is only in part true inside my own head).

This last month has found me on an island, by a river and under a waterfall....... with zero drownings.

We begin with............ Awesome land. Its a small island of the coast of Inujima which is a small tourist destination off the mainland of Japan..... before we arrive at Awesome land I better describe the journey there.

A ferry ride over to Inujima is where my trip begins and im sitting there surrounded by 30 other Japanese folk all with the same initial intentions...... to make it to Inujima without having to swim any of the distance. As the captain appears, he is looking like he just got out of bed and would rather be somewhere else, I notice he is wearing a "Jamaica" top with a massive marijuana leaf on the back........... im almost certain, unlike most places in Japan, that he is saving money on uniforms, and based on our intentions, the previously mentioned outlook is bleak for all of us.

On the ferry I met an English speaking bloke called Nobu. He was a very nice chap who attempted to translate for me to another couple of old fellas and then he invited me over to his island cafe of on Inujima (that is if based on our transport choice, we ever made it).

We arrive at Inujima without injury and the initial fears were nothing but a distant memory. I said farewell to Nobu only to find his cafe 5 minutes later and greeted him like a long lost friend with a whole hearted konichiwa! We sat in his cafe with a beer in our hands sharing stories of meetings and travels we had both taken..... which reminded me that I had a prearranged rendezvous point and shouldn't be sitting around drinking with a new acquaintance.

I left Nobu to wander the streets of Inujima and make my way, ever so nonchalantly, across the island to my meeting point, to be kayaked across to Awesomeness. On my way I enjoyed the flowers of spring and ran into one of the old chaps from the boat. He was rambling on about a mirror and how it would be a good photo and angles and what not......... pff like I really knew what he was saying - I took another picture of what he was pointing at, thanked him, and said see ya.

I made it to the rendezvous point and sat down with a certainty that it had been too easy to find.... this certainty led to me wandering about and asking a woman (in correct Japanese I might add) while showing her a map - "Where am I?" She had no idea what I was going on about.......... so I just waited in the sun.

I had been correct all along, and a friend Ross arrived not long after to ferry me across to the island in his kayak (after him and Haydn madly kayaked from the main land). We arrived to meet Haydn who was enjoying a spot of fishing as I soaked up the goodness of this little widely unknown secluded environment.

I would find it tough to describe the island in full, so I shall leave it at a most memorable moment. It was around 11pm at night and the ocean lit up with every small but breaking wave. Ross pointed and yelled to Haydn (whom had both been before) "look its happening, its happening again, that glowing shit is here!" Now I was aware of the "glowing shit" but both Haydn and I assumed that with a skin full of beer and wine, Ross had begun to see things, but I speak for myself when I say I doubted him yet I entertained him and went to the waters edge to inspect.

To his credit - he was right and I stood there in amazement as the water glowed like someone had dumped a heap of nuclear waste in the water. It was very strange to say the least and would only light up and react when you touched it. There was no moon and no nuclear power plant nearby so I failed to explain it.

The next day arrived and the night before had left me feeling a little worse for wear but we had to depart our camp and farewell the wild things on this land of secludedness.

The Asahi river is a major river running through Okayama and an enjoyable location for those who like to do nothing (me) to sit on the banks of, and those who like to kayak (Mariko and Haydn) to paddle away a Sunday afternoon.

As the other two floundered about in the water I took a stroll and photo graphed a duck and a boat amongst a million other photos of god awful birds.... it was a good day sitting in the sun but I didn't enjoy reviewing a literal thousand photos of birds doing stuff like flying and sitting, when i got home...... yeah birds with wings not the other type of bird, that wouldn't find me complaining.

As a small consolation to a day of bird (with feathers) watching I did managed to capture the sunset.

The last thing I have decided to talk about is the waterfall near a place called Tsuyama. Coming from New Zealand I didnt expect much and when we arrived I was pointed toward a dribble of water over a rock and was told that it was the waterfall.......

not expecting much I said it looked great but had a resounding scoff noise echoing in my head. We walked up to just past where you buy your tickets (tickets for a god damn waterfall??!??!?!?) and I soon realised the shaking bushes were full of monkeys! We round the bend and follow the stream only to discover not ten but hundreds of the little buggers walking about and grooming themselves amongst us people folk! Oh and there was one monkey who had staked his claim to a rock and was defending it with his life.

We continued up the path, passed the fish, passed the monkeys, and to the waterfall. Upon arriving I couldn't help but find it humorous that one little boy was checking his brochure just to make sure he hadn't been lied to, and that the picture in the brochure was in fact of the actual waterfall.

Monkeys are cool, waterfalls are nice and the sun is warm. It was a good day again so I was happy.

I will end it here but finish with a parting thought. This time was mostly spent during golden week, which is just that - one whole week of time off for everybody and I think New Zealand should look into this.

Until next time - behave padres.

Ju san ban - don't complain about the events at the temple, when you're guilty of the same at the supermarket.

2010-04-01T02:38:00.000-07:00

Well its been one year, one month and four days and I still hate karaoke (although recently I have found myself strangely enjoying it - the more you drink the better you become it seems).

*photo missing

My last update found me in another country, enjoying the festive season and I thought the story was good enough to last me for at least 12 months........ but once 2 months had passed I knew it had gone over its best before date and now 4 months down the track I realise - the longer I leave THIS update, the more effort I will have to put in later.

I have successfully completed a year of teaching and I am very sad to see the children move on...... We finished with a graduation ceremony where the older kids donned graduate caps and gave a farewell speech... Not much to say here really about it all except it was good/bad day. Good that the kids had achieved something and bad that it rained.

Well with that being one of the more recent events that I feel I should mention, I shall now return to events that happened earlier this year.

The first was a supermarket incident that I need to get off my chest (there is always a supermarket moment). It was the fruit and vegetable department late on a midweek night. They had started to clean up and there was a trolley full of asparagus sitting in the middle of the isle. I needed to get asparagus I thought, and so grabbed a bag to fill. The supermarket assistant immediately came over barking orders at me while pointing to the shelf behind me. I knew she was saying "don't take those, there are some fresh ones behind you" but instead all I heard was "ooga booga ooga booga booga" with which I smiled and cheerfully responded with "konichiwaaaaaa"...... it was at this moment that she stopped and looked at me like I had two heads and backed away slowly, like it had just become apparent to her that I had contracted airborne rabies. I kinda don't blame her, to be working away, and see an opportunity to point a customer in the right direction, only to be met with an overly enthusiastic "HELLO" would probably weird me out also. My only explanation is that I just had a brain melt down and in my fluster I responded with a knee jerk response, now I shop with headphones on and music blaring.

Last month I turned 30. As much as you expect things to change overnight and a sense of maturity to come over you........... it doesn't. That person passing the mirror still occasionally pulls stupid faces at me and makes me laugh. The way I see it is that he is just a little older looking.

So anyway as I was saying I turned 30 and celebrated the event with a small group that bought me a computer, covered me in cake, feasted on 'Yaki Niku" (beef barbeque) and screamed ourselves stupid at karaoke..... well I did anyway, and gee did I sound good! It was just like someone had put the CD player on...... another beer please!

Recently I have been gallivanting around taking photos of anything and everything. Ever since I grabbed my cousins camera a couple of years ago and pointed and clicked, the feeling just captured my attention and so I went out and bought a Nikon something something. I wanted to immortalise spring here, as it seems so short lived, and just the idea of entertaining the tune "turning Japanese" comes to mind.

I have missed plenty out and am going to hate myself for these lost memories at a later date........ but the fact that I have remembered not to record them here should help me recall them later on....... yeah Kane good work - thats definitely how all brains remember stuff you egg.

I will finish with a quick moment that happened to me as recently as two days ago. I went down the local temple (like the local dairy in NZ - there is at least one on most corners near your house here it seems, but they have less going on and they appear a little more well maintained than the dairy's back home) to photograph the blossoms that have started appearing. There was another school floating about that seemed somewhat interested in my presence but happily ignored me also it seemed. I snapped away merrily and became almost oblivious to their presence. As I sat down on a low concrete verge (just to the bottom right of the photo) a teacher from the other school approached me. He asked me where I was from and and what I did for work amongst other things.......

I responded with im a teacher from NZ and I didn't understand his Japanese sorry, to which he called the school over to introduce themselves in English which was quite daunting. Im sitting lower than the 20 seven year olds all surrounding me screaming "hello im ..... " while a Japanese teacher is instructing them on how to introduce themselves in English properly and I am having to respond to each one with Hello so and so, while the teachers gasp in amazement as I respond to each child with his/her correct name that they had just told me.... it was weird/wrong/horrible event and not how I had wanted to spend my day off. Im not going back to that temple in a rush.

Till next time - stay cool till after school.

Hung, drawn and Qatarised.... I digress.

2010-01-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

The problem im currently facing stems from the idea of, how do I make this blog sound less like a literary slide show about my holiday to Qatar in Doha and more like an entertaining report on the living life of a kiwi lad outside of NZ....

Doha has a flag which is half maroon and half white separated by a jagged edge of 9 serrations whereby each serration represents one of the states of the United Emirates leading up to to the aforementioned 9th state being Doha...... the white colour is representative of the peace this country abides by and the maroon represents the blood that was shed prior to achieving the peace......... stop stop STOP - Kane its not a general knowledge lecture, try again.

So we landed in Qatar (which felt like a perpendicular landing to the runway) and we exited the plane to a winter that was nothing like the winter we had left in Japan. I quickly realised upon arrival that a "scarf" was a non essential item.

I could rave on and on about my experiences in Doha, but for most of you I fear a loss of interest so I will just outline some of the highlights.

Firstly we will cover driving - so I thought Japan was bad ha ha ha - not even close. Everyone in Qatar seems to think they are a formula one driver, and arriving at there destination with the fastest speed possible will win them the Qatari/Le Mans championship title. Now at all costs is their individual race going to be won, and no man shall stand in the way while negotiating this quickest possible route............ Taxi courtesy in regards to a comfortable safe ride is non existent here.

My driving is average at best but you're safer in a car with me touring France than you are riding as a passenger with a local in Qatar. So we shall leave the driving at that.

I went to the local museum of Islamic art with my father...... the museum was full of old stuff (dont know what else I was expecting) but the nice new looking exterior tickled my fancy... it was good to just wander around with my father for a while and talk about how big the place appeared and how old the stuff inside it was. Sadly my art history appreciation failed me this day and I was more inspired by the buildings exterior and lavish entry way decked with palm trees and a mesmerizing water feature that ran from basically the front door, a good hop skip and a jump down the stairs away from the building.

My cousins (Haydn and Oliver) along with partners (Mariko and Jess) and I joined one day for a night in the desert. Prior to our evening in the huge sand safari that was surrounding us we had the pleasure of some off road shenanigans.

Now for a moment think like a young 16 year old kiwi lad with a new drivers licence, he has the keys to his parents four wheel drive along with a property that is backed onto the local beach filled with sand dunes, his mates want to be wowed by his "mad driving skills" and if he damages anything its ok because his rich grandfather will always bail him out. These guys seem to have made a business out of this concept and have started taking people on their tours. It was a well worthwhile little moment of madness.

After we had experienced the desert at 140 kilometers an hour, traveled swiftly behind a fishtailing SUV followed by a brief stop that had one member of the accompanying group throw up due to the motion sickness.

We arrived at camp and enjoyed a bacon free BBQ while puffing on the local shisha pipe. We settled into our air conditioned tents (air con was not needed at this time of the year luckily, but I just wanted to mention its availability, as the

air con decked out tent impressed me) and we slept well in the knowledge that we had endured a day of high speed car recklessness in the desert and we were now just left in the middle of nowhere. The next day we were picked up and driven back into town and I must say the whole experience has me smiling even now which is weeks later - hats off to these lads with what seems like a simple plan to them, but a great moment in time for me.

In my opinion food is a big draw card when visiting somewhere new, and the dates in Qatar were fantastic! A flavor that oozed freshness and a size that dwarfed the standard bagged up weirdness we get back home.

Oh yeah and while on the topic of food the baby camel I ate smelt like it had been shoveled off the road out the back of the restaurant we were dining at one night....... however it was super tender and once you got past the aroma it actually tasted a fair bit like very well done but gamey lamb.

Next topic, Hair cuts and beard upkeep. This was a part of my trip I strangely fell in love with - I don't know if it was the neck cracking massages, the adrenalin rush I got from someone holding a blade so close to my throat or the price tag of $15 for a shave and a haircut compared to the $80 I had to pay last time I was back in NZ! My little obsession (more so with the shaving and general bearded upkeep) found me in the barbers at least once every 2-3 days and I was quickly becoming rather attached to the ever so well trimmed facial hair that I had sworn to shave off on the first day of the new year. These barbers I miss tremendously.... however with more thought I think I just liked someone else having to take care of my shaving routine that didn't involve me doing anything more than just sitting there.

Moving along and onto wrap up mode, one of my final days had me travel to the north of Doha to see some old town ruins. Walking through this place I couldnt help but wonder who had been here so many years before me but the bag of rubbish sitting next to me suggested the garbage man had dumped his load off recently. The concept of "long term" and "environmental damage" like myself seemed foreign to this place. Out from under the bag a beetle ran chasing what seemed to be my shadow. He was a grunty little sucker that soon realised my shadow was moving and that he was safer under the bag from which he had come. I managed to get a shot of the guy before he departed and he reminded me of those beetles off the film "The Mummy". As happy as I had been playing dodge the giant unknown, possibly yet unlikely, harmful creature, I turned and left him at peace in his ruins.

Its at this point that I shall stop myself for now (we havent even touched on health and safety (or the lack of it) for which you can see in this last photo, with the construction worker nicely modeling a non existent hard hat and safety cable, perched perilously on top of some random building).

It was a good Christmas and New year with my mother, father, auntie, uncle, cousins and partners - I enjoyed meeting some of the local residence (like the millions of madly breeding cats that just roamed the street until (and im assuming) were being stewed up and labeled as baby camel for some flash restaurant in town) and teachers at my parents school.... the holiday ended though and I returned to a rather chilled Japan and an internet free household because someone hadn't paid their unreadable internet bill......... yeah I should sort this language thing out ha ha.

With that said and done - Qatar, it gets a thumbs up from me.

Ju Nee ban - childhood memories are not for destroying.

2009-12-12T06:40:00.001-08:00

So I didn't post a blog last month....... I broke the rules apparently and I apologise....... are we cool now?

So over the last couple of months on this over populated yet lonely island, I have still managed to engage in a couple of activities that not only give a sense of nostalgia but also enrage, and I have come across oddities for which are referred to as "entertainment" here.

Today we begin with the re-discovery of PEZ! I remember it being different...... really to be honest I remember it being fun. This time - it wasn't. I know, I know....... we should leave the kids stuff to the kids - but it was PEZ! As a child, I spent a few years of my "life discovery" living in the fast paced, high intensity rural township of Dannevirke. I remember there was a small grocery behind Dannevirke high school that used to sell PEZ. A friend and I used to buy them and then go and play down the back of his house in the river and trees while eating the "make believe" pellets of energy from our "make believe" energy dispensers which just so happened to be the PEZ unit itself. 20 something years later, those good times PEZ memories are just that - "memories". I was in my local supermarket the other day and spied this PEZ unit - for those of you who are completely unfamiliar with PEZ (are you amish?) it was the small toy pictured that you loaded with candy, and when you pulled the head back, it would dispense a single unit of one of the loaded candies. Wow, to begin with I don't recall the loading process taking a good half an hour! Obviously my fingers are not as small as they used to be. Holding the unit open with one hand while trying to drop a candy in, without the candy falling on its side, with the other hand was a harder process than I remember......

anyway after a good half an hour of sitting on my couch getting awfully frustrated with incorrectly loaded PEZ candies I finally finished! Only to eat them all less than 5 mins later....... PEZ tastes great..... even better out of the dispenser but not great enough to entice me to load it 3 more times, I thought this as I sat there eating the candy straight from the packet giving the dog faced PEZ unit a horrible stare........

geez I was just plain straight pezzed off!

I turned the TV on a couple of weeks ago. It doesn't get used that often - due to my inability to understand much of whats been said, and the last time I turned it on it wasn't just the language I had trouble comprehending! It was an afternoon show with a very attractive Japanese girl sitting on a stool answering questions, and as far as I could tell, regardless of a correct or incorrect answer, she would get smacked in the head by another Japanese bloke with a giant air filled plastic hammer. It was mesmerizing to watch and just odd. It seemed like a dating show whereby the contestants were competing for a moment of humiliation by an unknown old man....... I'd talk about it further....... if I had understood it - but I didn't.

Well at this point I am going to finish but leave you with a final discovery. While in the supermarket the other day I came across a box of crisps that reminded me of a youtube video made in tribute to an accent of the country I love so dearly.

Sometimes I feel beached as guys!

Ju ichi ban - dedicated to the delivery man with the same name as in the post jew ban.

2009-10-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

Ok so my updates are coming through fewer and further between now... but im by no means adjusted to living here, and i should make more of an effort to record these moments.

This time round i have the karate kids sensei guarding the recycling, health check ups and the Okayama Zoo to report

on.

Now recycling here is really huge - it should be known that Japan has a huge emphasis on recycling. Yes they do make a ridiculous amount of unnecessary garbage (for example individually wrapping each apple in plastic) but they do have a recycling system here that most people try to follow. So i have a recycling day assigned to my building and on this day (every second Sunday i think it is) you have a drop point where you take your glass/plastic and boxes etc to be sorted and recycled. Now i have been heading down normally rather late in the evening when the person assigned to look after the station has gone home, but the last time i went he was still there...... He was a short yet intimidating looking fellow who looked like Mr Miyagi out of the film karate kid. I waltz on up and being unable to read a single recycling box label attempted to apologise and ask where my bottles went - it was at this point that im sure i got told i was stupid and that i couldn't bring my bottles down today (im thinking its once a month now for bottles). I asked if i could leave them with him and he said "no" then i asked if i could go and he said "no" while all this time mumbling rather grumpy tones. So im stuck with an obviously annoyed old guy who looks like a karate master ready to explode with his ninja skills, bumbling about throwing my bottles around and giving me nasty looks an

d then every time i try to leave he arcs up. So to cut the story short i stood there for a good 15 minutes while i got a Japanese bollocking for something im a little unsure of but i know to do my recycling in the evenings and throw my bottles wherever i want from now on!

Last week work required us to get down the hospital for a check up - they take your blood and urine and check you weight and height as well as do chest x-rays etc etc... this was all good but i wish they had given me a set of slip on shoes that actually fit instead of a pair that my foot only half fit into and in turn made me shuffle like an old man around the ward..... one size fits all - if you're the one size that everyone else is! Now it was a very surreal event to go to one of these hospitals for a checkup - it was almost like the fast food version of health care where the number of customers that passed through were just as important as the checks they were doing. You went from station to station with the end goal being that you have a chat about your checks with your doc. I got to the end and im pretty certain my doctor barely looked me in the eye more than once and she didn't speak a word to me, she motioned for me to open my mouth and her assistant held my head like i was about to get ECT therapy, while she looked do

wn my throat, it wasn't like i was going to run anywhere? Anyway im wondering if my next visit will be more enlightening.

Last week i visited the local zoo with the children from our school. I felt a little bad for the animals but the kids seemed to love it. The zoo is basically the Ikeda family's backyard that they opened to the public. Its rich folk showing off exotic animals but the fact that it was family owned explained why one of the enclosures had dogs on display. The turtles covered in algae and lions that slept the day away looked rather nonchalant about their confinements which did nothing to give any sense of a natural habitat, and the wallabies in their cages looked like the emo kids of the animal kingdom! I did take some time out to have a little chat with a cow while i was there - i informed him as he licked my hand with his dirt ridden tongue that in my previous job we may have met under different circumstances.......... it was at this reflective and nostalgic point that i felt bad and had to buy him some food out of the vending machine........... i get the feeling that if he isn't fed by suckers from the public then he isn't fed at all cause he chowed my biscuits down so fast i almost lost a finger!

Oh yeah and i think i got swine flu... Last night i was talking to my imaginary friend thinking if i don't wake up in the morning maybe i should have cleaned up a little more. Now im sporting a choice as face mask!

Jew ban - No this title has no anti semitic relationships, its just a number!

2009-09-01T07:29:00.000-07:00

Let me re-introduce myself it been soo long - Hajimemashite Kane desu....

I apologise for my inability to update this more regularily - but I must admit I suffer from a terrible disease that has rendered me incapable over the last month from attending to this blog like I should be - its called lazyness.

This time i begin by asking myself - Over the last month what has inspired me so much that i feel the need to write about this time? Oh damn it, I've drawn a blank......... again! Hmmmm if I just start typing things should happen.

Well to pick up from where i left you last i know some of you are wondering how things are going with the new female friend..... sadly it has all come to an end - short lived but enjoyable, she really was a lovely girl. I think the inability to convey simple ideas to one another may have worked against us a little - but in another life when we are both born again as praying mantis I'm sure we will understand one another much more effectively! I must say, her confusion with the word home and homo did make me laugh - you can imagine the side ways l

ooks when the night draws to an end and she announces to you that its time to leave? - "Lets go homo!"

Now shopping here - it never ceases to amaze me! I went down the other day to buy washing powder and normally i think most people who don't know what they are buying here kinda find an item that they know works and stick with it..... but when your item to buy is out of stock your world falls apart! You're walking the shop isles like a lost pup unwittingly purchasing floor cleaner to wash your clothes with......... life can only get easier if you mi

ss the washing machine while pouring it in!

While on the topic of shops and food i have to quickly mention marketing here - I'm not really even a fan of chocolate (where is this going you might ask?) but i found myself buying a

block of it just the other day based on its marketing - how can you walk past something and not become curious when its name is "LOOK"?

Ok enough about the food aye? So I gave the Karaoke buzz another go - i thought when in "Rome do as the Romans do" - nup...... its just not on. I gave it a solid effort while i was there (obviously few beers under the influence) but......... an awesome sound system pushed into a room just big enough for a dining table while blaring out the sound of your own voice screaming a god awful rendition of some queen song you barely know doesn't tickle my fancy that much - i must admit watching the other characters i was with bang out their songs while screaming almost inaudible conversations to one another was pretty fun though..... however, a converted Karaoke fan i don't think your going to see happen with this kiwi!

Now I had a TV delivered from a very generous mate in Tokyo (cheers Russ bro!) - but I'm buggered if i have used it much...... i don't know why i thought at least one channel was going to be English spoken???? I think it was at this point it dawned on me that life is well and truly immersed in Japanese right now! The guy who dropped it off was called Jew ichi - this is eleven in English..... I found this kind of amusing - what were his parents thinking? Maybe he has 10 brothers or sisters i thought and his parents became sick of coming up with new names by the time he arrived? This was just a little moment i had that i thought i would share with you as i didn't think it was appropriate to bring up with him. !

Oh and a shout out to the work security - I have Internet at home now so no more late nights at work for me, having to deal with you calling up and wanting me to answer half a dozen questions in Japanese while my brother listens to, and laughs at me, on skype, at my most awesome Japanese skills. A little achievement im happy to have sorted out now only 6 months into my stay!

You maybe reading this in the morning but its night for me so Oyasumi!

Kyu ban - a dinner of sorts, a no pants party and theres something in my canal!

2009-08-04T04:33:00.000-07:00

Ok so i last left you with my introduction to a Japanese girl on a camping trip..... after the camp, with the help of a book (that was ever so kindly given to me by a very good friend before i left), I was able to ask her out for a meal and thus I took her out for dinner, the story of this evening is where we shall begin this continuation of the chronicles of Kane.

To avoiding boring you with grandiose descriptions of how i felt before we went out i will just say that 15 mins before we were supposed to meet i had butterflies that were flying so high i felt like my stomach was in my neck. It wasn't the nerves of boy meets girl but the nerves of boy cant speak English with girl........... OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!? A friend from work has given me an electronic translation dictionary for the evening - in my hands i hold my life line to not dying an ever so slow and painful death........ i look up the word "nervous" as i sit and wait - Fuan desu.

She arrives and we go and eat - im not going to go into the events of the evening in depth but one moment that stands out for me was the inability to decipher the (what seemed like) completely irregular brush strokes on the menu - oh geez I cant order anything on here! Another critical factor i have failed to consider, I let her take the reigns with ordering and agree with everything she decides to get - berru - i know that one! HAI! The meal and conversation was not as tough as you may imagine it to be - we both struggled at times, but with a little persistence our point was made (or so we thought - for the record there is nothing tasty about eating a filter - let alone the one called a liver!). The evening went well and even though there was a combination of poor Japanese and equally poor English we came out the other end smiling happily - its funny how some people who speak perfect English can annoy you just being in their presence yet someone who barely speaks English can have you in fits of laughter and enjoying their company....... ohh to understand what is really happening in our heads when we meet someone new.

Now the other point i have to quickly make here is that Japanese girls do seem to be very subservient - she came over the other day and I took a shower...... thinking she would most likely entertain herself in my house full of excitement (it is admittedly an empty house), I came out to find all my washing had been ironed, my lounge had been tidied and my dishes were at that moment being washed............ it was just weird, but nice weird.

So last week I went to a pool party - there was a pool and a party and a couple of naked dudes - i dont want to talk about it ever again. The food was great - bbqs made from empty barrels cut in half and put on poles covered with chicken wire is an untapped market here........ or so i believe, and its what i think that makes the most sense (to me anyway).

I should also mention Japans mind boggling maze of canals... you wouldn't think it, but this place has so many you would be mistaken for living somewhere in Europe below sea level, if only the number of people with almond shaped eyes didnt give it away.... outside my house i was doing a sideways shimmy to the supermarket and noticed the level of water in the canal had dropped dramatically, I peered in and was surprised to see not one or two fish but tens of fish surrounding and undoubtedly annoying a much larger fish (it was at least the length of my fore arm)! I continued to stroll a little further, and thinking i had seen a one off, I was rather chuffed at myself for spotting this, however I looked in again to see another two massive fish......... so this is where all that bloody sushi is coming from i thought - to the supermarket to by a hook, line and sinker!

Oh yeah and also very quickly - They had a solar eclipse here the other day, staring at the sun without having the correct glasses doesn't make you tough, it makes you stupid with sore eyes.

I hope you're all smiling and listening to what your mother says! Till next time Ja-ne from this Zespri abroad.

Hachi ban - monkey madness, head harrassment and a warm awakening.

2009-07-20T04:34:00.000-07:00

Right 3 main topics this time round - Hairdressing, hot chicks and heat waves.

First things first though - Due to a number of requests regarding updates on here and not receiving notifications and blah blah blah if you start following this blog on the left hand side of your screen then I will recognise this as an open invitation to email and remind you - alternatively if you know my email address then you can request an update.... I stopped emailing this rubbish out because i wasn't sure if everyone (apart from my mother x) particularly enjoyed receiving it through email..... turns out a few of you didn't mind.

righty ho and with that being said and done lets get back to it aye?

So we shall start the tales with hair dressing this time round - I went in for a cut and came out with a head that feels like its spent an evening in a gentlemans club.

Ok so its a Wednesday afternoon..... I know I can spare 15 minutes or so as i have no classes in the afternoon - I decide its time to tidy this mo-hawk monstrosity on top of my head up (also for other reasons that will become more apparent later on). I walk down the road to the hairdressers and case the place first..... Its the kind of "across the road pacing" that one might see if they were a fly on the wall to a burglary that is about to happen. "Na - to many cars" i think to myself as a pound the foot path on the opposite side of the road, "If im going to make a dick of myself not being able to speak properly then im doing it in front of the least amount of people possible". Instead I choose a location 200 meters up the road which luckily for me is without a single customer inside. I blurt the only Japanese i know all too well which is basically a certifiable statement that im a dunce.... "Japanese i dont understand".

Im bowed to (which just means 'game on' as far as im concerned) and im lead to my hair wash super head touching chair, a towel is placed over my uncontrolled smiling face and the erotic finger dancing on my skull begins.... you know that feeling just before you go to sleep and your body twitches as you bounce back to reality - i was there. So i dont need to really go into details here but i got my haircut and skull touched and then washed 3 times - i found it kinda funny that they would put gel in my hair then wash it again only to put gel in it again. They gave my back a massage (unrelated to my head im sure, but i have since been told it is part of the treatment) and at this point the girl tried speaking English to me - i forget what she said but im sure my response was closer to that of a well drunk sounding kiwi. At the end of it all it cost me a good 70 bucks at least, but hey honestly is was all well worth every yen dropped.....

Now the heat here is not only (suprise surprise again) hot but an excuse to be noisy - well the bloody cicadas seem to think so anyway. Have you ever been on a farm and heard those massive irrigation hoses... they click back and forward shooting out a jet of water. Now multiply that 1 irrigation system by 1000 and you have something close to the noise i hear most mornings that i wake. Kinda bugging i find it.

I went back to Nimi last weekend and became a mosquito main course. We were going back for a camping session this time and an arranged meeting - i got the aforementioned haircut (you dont get a chance to make first impressions twice and i wasnt making mine with a bloody mankhawk haircut!) for obvious reasons now. Im not going to go into it but it was an enjoyable weekend - i wasnt really expecting much but was plesantly surprised when she arrived. I think her not understanding a lick of english is a novelty for now, lets see how it really goes after this thursdays dinner meet without a translator ha ha

oh yeah and monkeys - i gotta mention the monkeys! Honestly no more than 100 meters from our tent a bunch of super swinging monkeys rocked passed - they were just on the hunt for berries i think. I was sitting there watching a tree rock and sway so unaturally i thought an asian fulla was going to bust out of the bush. I asked the girl i was standing with "what the hell is going on with that tree"? With no clue what so ever we both decided to go and investigate. We got within 50 meters of the tree and a monkey pokes his head out - he was stuffing his face with berries and as quickly as we saw him he swung off........ We stood and watched the hillside for a while and quickly realised he wasnt alone - im not sure how many of the little buggers there were but im sure i saw one mate that i left back in New Zealand swing by.

Take it easy, dont be sleazy, this kiwi is super rockin Japaneasy!

Nana Ban - lets play with something, how about your life?

2009-07-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

So where to start with the tales of stupidity this time? The beginning is always a good place to start.......

Last weekend I took a cab home from the pub in town..... after the owner of the pub had closed the bar down, we both strolled toward the taxi stand - he asked me as we walked toward the cab if i knew my address..... I repeated my address to him and then he asked me if i knew where i lived, i thought that because he was Australian this might explain in part his reasoning for asking me the same question twice and then just wording it differently......... However not realising in my slightly inebriated state that these two questions are far from being the same!

I get in the cab and bid farewell to my Australasian publican and his Japanese girlfriend. I rattle of my address which almost states everything including the planet I live on an we begin to move - driving driving driving........ I wonder if we should be home by now I think to myself? Then he starts to speak Japanese to me - "geez mate steady on - I don't know what your saying - take me to the supermarket..." I reply. God I know my address but I'm probably saying it wrong - I have no idea where I live......... Thaaaats what the publican meant!! Arghhh - I know the supermarket is by my house and its called "Happy's" - "hey mate take me to Happy's, Happy's, Happy's"..... in any other country and I would have possibly ended up in some other compromising situation by proclaiming that - but luckily for me I got home.... oh to be happy I thought..... but the poor driver I could tell was not happy and not about to pick up another foreigner in a rush.

So last weekend I went out to a place called Nimi.... now theres not much that rivals the ongoing blissful beauty that is the New Zealand landscape - but if Japan and New Zealand were drunken blokes in a bar......... well................. Japan wouldn't be blamed for having the unprovoked balls to poke New Zealand in his chest with Nimi standing in Japans corner.

This place was postcard picture perfect - the trees covered the hills with a leaf that seemed unnaturally soft to look at, the water was like a mirror that had been slid up alongside the lake bank reflecting everything that looked down upon it and we baked in sun that almost found you searching for shade.

The people I was with pulled out their kayaks and I abstained from this venture for reasons obvious to some....... taking in my surroundings and enjoying the company of a frog with a florescent green stripe down its back was entertaining enough...... and simple things amuse those with simple of minds I guess...... a friend and I looked after the bbq anyway (small side note - girls in Asia and Europe just want to play with bbqs like girls in New Zealand...... it doesn't matter where you are, the female form are yet to comprehend that the bbq is a mans out door kitchen - you've got one in the house we dont play with so dont play with ours when we are outdoors).

The others come back and we feast on Japanese bbq which is like a pretty and dainty version of a kiwi bbq, thin strips of meat with kebabs of chicken and asparagus......... it really is fantastic!

So we finish up - we get a few beers in us and the others decide to go kayaking again - only this time im not getting out of it. I remember kayaking at college - taming the Otaki forks and floundering around in the Waikanae pools as we learnt Eskimo rolls (is it an Inuit roll now to get all p.c?). We have a 2 seater kayak that the others kindly hold while I squeeze inside..... its a bit tight I think, but hey I remember how to vacate a kayak if anything goes wrong..... and like anything is going to go wrong anyway ha ha - we've only been drinking a little (hic) im partnered with a kayaking newbie and I haven't done this in over 10 years....... Lets go destroy this lake!

So we paddle off and within 10 minutes (if that) of leaving the dock we realise something is horribly wrong with the boat (most likely the passengers). We are struggling to keep it going straight and we are doing massive bumble bee turns on the water.......... just take it nice and easy, nice and easy................ oh bugger that, lets just splash each other! Half in a state of wanting to play and half in a state of wanting to sort out the damn boats steering im not paying much attention to the other kayak which is barreling straight for us........ this is when my chest apparently attacked another kayakers oar - the post event claim if things had turned really sour and the police were to be asking questions (my uncontrollable chest, does something sound a little off here ha ha ha). The boat tips and it rolls left once, it rolls left twice, im thinking we're still ok...... third time was not so lucky and over we go....... now what i remember from what we were taught at school was to correct the oar, flip the boat up again, paddle inland and do a haka.... However I went under, biffed my oar, and attempted to roll out of the kayak................hmmm im stuck in a kayak under water, without my oar, upside down and running out of air......... was that last beer such a good idea i wonder? Its funny how the green haze of the lake just calms you as you batter yourself to remove the kayak your attached to....... I come up for air to faces staring very concernedly at the water that I've just pierced through...... theres silence for all of two seconds followed by an uncontrollable laughter - as my kayaking partner swims closer i notice the water gets warmer - oh the hilarity of the stupidity of the situation i find myself in! I think it was a solid 5 minutes of laughing before i can bring myself to actually accuse the aforementioned of relieving himself in the water.......... for which he strongly yet smilingly denies. Im towed ashore with a kayak full of water and another body hanging on to empty our vessel and attempt stupidity 101 again, however second time around it is a much more sober affair......... I mean how do you splash someone satisfactorily if you've already tried drowning them?

Theres more to tell but for now i will leave it at that - I hope your all sitting up straight with your arms folded behaving yourself!

Roku ban - A garden without dirt?

2009-06-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

Again beginnings.....

To paraphrase someone i know all too well - The way you write seems to be unrepresentative of the way you speak when i call you on skype.... Now to quote - "you write like a smart person but when i talk to you ya still sound like a rangi bro."

Thank-you for your honesty little bro.

So its started to rain outside - apparently its a cycle... a yearly event that happens (surprise surprise) every year. The rain lasts 2 weeks and then you endure a level of humidity close to the feeling, that could accurately be described as living in a bowl of jelly (this is how i have interpreted what i have been told anyway).

Pff - bring it...

So as i do most weekends, i find myself standing in the supermarket intrigued, while at the same time oblivious to every label that surrounds me.... im not going to try and make this sound any smarter than it was, but have you ever bought a beer only to find out its a super fizzy apple juice? Yeah probably not - it was gutting - but then it gets worse when a friend comes round and tells you the beer you thought you had bought is actually called "kids drink"....... yeah even more dissapointing.

Speaking of beer, I went out to a beer "garden" last weekend - a brilliant idea that would never work in New Zealand (due to our national inherent nature to excessively drink till we do something stupid or collapse) but it was fascinating non the less. Basically you pay $50.00 and you can eat and drink all you want for a two hour period... no one told us to leave so we stayed till closing enjoying the delights of hot saki (which seems to all of a sudden hit you like a left hook, unsuspectingly delivered by a fat girl at a cake eating competition because you looked at her cake with desire). The event was held on the roof of some high rise building in the middle of town that they had covered in astro turf and decked out with outdoor dining..... I did enjoy the evening and i feel as though the evening enjoyed me.

Ok so im going to cut out now and go explain the spoken difference between 1 woman and a group of women to a group of 7 year olds (some of you will understand this ever so tough pronuciation for me).

play nicely now........

Go ban - Is that edible?

2009-06-17T02:37:00.001-07:00

The word blog just makes me think of bogans...... so this probably wont end well.

As im sitting here at my desk i think about the children that im supposed to be teaching and how i could incorporate safety around the home into this months lesson plan...... may be i should go and teach them how running with knives or scissors isnt safe........ while i contemplate this thought i also have to consider how much damage could be done with one unsupervised 5 year old and a box of matches...... ahhh theres only 50 matches in the box and its not like i left him with a lighter right?? Lighters seem to last forever, matches do run out.... eventually, and its not like I gave him any cigarettes!

Now with 50 matches of spare time I can update you with my travels again.....

I have now got myself hooked up with a..... small, black, inexpensive communicator..... named candy, na its just a phone and it doesnt have a strippers name. The phones here are pretty cool.... they all have buttons (no surprises there), but im not sure what half of the buttons do - it was a purchase that in previous years would have fascinated me but now im finding is super overwhelming.... click this to do that and click that to do this and then you have text messaging that is more about sending little pictures of your desires as opposed to letters to create words that state your actual wishes (which seems much more logical to me).

Anyway (cellphone stupidness out of the way)......... I went out to a true blue foreigner get together the other night, it was great.... we sat around and drunk and talked and drunk a little more and talked a little louder and louder and then smacked out a few chords of rockband......... its a universal source of entertainment but I still hate karaoke with a vengence! Karaoke just seems to be like verbal heroin here - if your not hooked when you arrive then you will be when you leave and i refuse to entertain that possibility. Some say "its about having confidence to get up and sing a few lines for everyone - show your balls" i say "leave it to those who can sing..................... which isnt you so SIT DOWN"! At the end of the day - the place where this idiocy took place was gorgeous.... a rather big Japanese style house set in the country - oh the coolness of it all!

I went out last night and fulfilled that desire i have had since i arrived.......i ate a whale, well not a whole one but i took 2 bites out of one - its really not worth the green peace aggression the Japanese get from going after it..... speaking of eating weird stuff.... i just ate what i thought was sherbert and it wasnt...... my fingers are dyed red and my mouth is red too.......... god help me if that was rat poison...... everyday not knowing how to read turns your life into a game of roulette.

Before i wrap it up i have to send a shout out to my mother and father - well done on your Qatar appointment! You're never too old to get involved right!!!!??

Oh yeah and im on skype now so it would be good to here from one or two of you - my name in Japan should find me quickly enough.

so slap ya later

chur chur bros

Shi ban - alone in a land of togetherness.

2009-06-17T01:38:00.000-07:00

* Photo missing

Dear you,

The worst thing about writing a blog, is having to write the first line..... its like thinking of something witty or different to write inside a birthday card..... no matter how many times you write and erase your efforts, these attempts never seem to be funny, interesting, thoughtful or quirky enough....... and you end up just settling with some mindless generic drivel.... so happy birthday to all of you even if its not your birthday.

Now my adventures to date have not lessened by any extent - and this place, as most of you who read these rants will be aware, is just nuts.

I have shifted into my own apartment and am enjoying my own space - its larger than a shoebox but smaller than an Egyptian pyramid...... now hows that for a definitive description? Basically its all good and gives me time to get away from everyone and everyone has time to get away from me....

I went shopping the other day for groceries...... god what a trip!!! They have amazing fruit and vege here that tastes so fresh and clean......... don't mind the fact that you going to pay about $20 for a watermelon however!??!!? Yeah yeah - they do get some nice fresh stuff floating about over here (i heard they picked up a drifting whale the other day........ did a few experiments on it and ate the rest...... pff floating freshness!) but you are paying top dollar for that freshness.

I cannot begin to explain dining in Japan. Its like most things here - they haven't invented anything ground breaking or new for themselves - but god, give them an idea that someone else came up with and they can deconstruct it and re-invent it beautifully........... most of the time. They have a huge emphasis on bakeries here but alas no meat pies or baked potatoes....... maybe i could introduce these fine Kiwi/Brit delicacies and find some Asian lass who maybe able to recreate them inclusive of a built in desert of some sort........ or maybe i am just wishful thinking.

I have been back to cult city again (Tendi) - and i have decided i am going to return home to New Zealand at a later date and start my own religion............ There is so much money involved the deceptive arts of religious belief...... And so thus the church of Roperdium shall be born. I have previously discussed this with one person who i believe will enter into this venture with me, and like Scientology i am going to go down the path of "no questions will be answered until i receive monies" - but until then just know that your life is going to be sooo much better belonging to my church...... $5000 min payment.

Now sunsets...... i don't know what it is with this place, maybe it is its location on the globe or something - but the sunsets here are just wow - big, watchable, and reddy orange (funny that, the colour thing, being that it is a sun Kane you fool)........ now they should call this place "land of the setting sun" instead of "land of the rising sun" - i hate mornings and i assume so do most of you - so just think how much more inviting this place could sound if it was "land of the setting sun".......... I'm already thinking island music with Japanese/Hawaiian girls dancing in the foreground of a blissfully fading red hot circle of fire - oh how inviting..... but hey that's just the idea of one Gaijin (foreigner) abroad.

My language skills are building slowly - and i should be able to produce a full sentence understandably in English really soon! My Japanese is getting somewhat better also - but i still have that feeling of needing my hand held......... i cant help but think everything that comes out of my mouth in Japanese is being pronounced wrongly....... it reminds me a lot of speaking English in Britain ha ha

The school kids are a blast - and through self indulgence and by popular demand, I have attached a photo of two of the terrors who teach me more than i teach them....... Junpei and Shuto.

And with that i shall depart by saying, yet again - i have forgotten more than i remembered but it all adds to the tale to be told next time....

So from the Zespri silver in Japan i bid you all farewell till then.

Ja-ne folks :)

San ban - Religion is for the religious..

2009-06-17T01:22:00.000-07:00

A rule to remember.........

You should never start writing letters if you don't know what you're going to say, and you should NEVER ever ever under any circumstance start to write a blog if you're in the same mindset aforementioned......... Ok so I have already broken that rule now.

Well last time i wrote to all of you, i bleated about the food, driving, electronics and general way in which this wide eyed walking zebra (zebra being the nick name some of the children gave me when they first saw my new hairstyle) was not ready for this environment......

but now!!!!!

Im still baffled at times by this culture! I have so much to tell - but only a limited amount of time before i lose you (if i haven't already) with interest of my tales.

Lets start with my travels - I went to a place called Nara. It is a beautiful city where deer roam the streets and only attack you if you dont have food for them, I just wanted to pat one without having to pay for over priced rat food for crying out loud! In Nara i went to a temple called the Todaiji that would dwarf even the largest of dutch folk...... there is something about a massive structure made of wood that supersedes the wow factor of something really huge made of concrete or iron..... maybe only just.

After that i stumbled blindly into another temple where they were about to have a little prayer session - i wanted to experience it for myself so i waltz on in also..... my cousin wasn't having a bar of it and went back to the car - "religion is for the religious" he proclaimed - of which he is not.......... i am not religious myself as most of you know - but i did want to see what all the fuss was about......... my error in curiosity was made here if i wasn't prepared for emotional discomfort. Sure enough i walked in and sat near the front on my knees like a good catholic school boy (no pun intended) and I was surrounded by 50 others...... within 5 mins that 50 had turned into at least 500 and this is where i lost speculative count. Ok ok so im sitting in a temple looking like a lost European puppy with a zebra mane haircut with almost front row seats and then about 15 mystic looking hooded priests walk out and one of them bangs on a huge gong! Everyone claps four times and folds over to praying position and chants some chant............ its at this point in time i feel as thou im not ready to witness the sacrificial killing of a young virgin child - and even thou i may have witnessed the killing of millions of lambs in my lifetime - this is one time i wouldn't be to comfortable with reliving my meat works days......... luckily it didnt amount to this but it was 25 mins of chanting and bowing and clapping i had to endure, and at the end of it all, as strange as it had been - im glad i didnt join my cousin to sit it out in the car....... it was a moment in time that wont leave my thoughts quickly.

I thought as i left the temple my religious experience was going to end there - little did i know (theres a theme of not knowing much building here isnt there?). We got beer essentials and returned to our hostel........ this is where i learnt outside of the temple this religion is based on getting waste faced and having a good time. Back at the hostel i think my cousin and i were the only ones not committed to this religion and everyone was drinking themselves batty. We found our room and were shortly after introduced to two wonderful blokes who came for a beer with us..... those two very quickly turned into five (one of them just so happened to be the head of the church and was the most battered - he was genuinely charming) and thus proved to me that its not what you drink but who you drink with that makes for good conversation.

I could go on and on about the strange events of that evening but if i haven't already lost you then im about to if i dont change the topic.

So i travelled to Kyoto the next day - google it for an explanation i shall have to deliver this story another day.

The school and children are fantastic - i try to recall what it was like to be young and believe anything and everything - when i was a child i remember travelling with my father to the south island one time on the bus and the driver said "on your left hand side you should be able to see the ferry......." i looked for what seemed like my whole childhood but couldn't see the FAIRY...... this is the only comparison i can make but i remember being so disappointed years later when i found out the true meaning, so i try to be as clear and as obvious with the children as possible.

My boss is fantastic and has bent over backward helping me get established...... he gave me a laptop the other day so im well chuffed..... i have an apartment that i shift into on the 11th for which he lent me the bond for also......... i think it was something like 2 months in advance and gift payments blah blah so its not small money.

My cousin has been fantastic - i know 2 days in the same room as Kane can get on your wick very quickly - but he has weathered the storm like a trooper.........(although he did shoot me and draw blood the other day) hats off cuz.

Food - hmm im still chucking back something new each week and my latest venture that stands out for me was caviar (fish eggs)......... yes i could gorge myself on the food here. Im coming home fat my friends ha ha! "Yeah right" - a fat Kane ha ha ha.

Now as usual im going to complain about the driving - but im going to keep reserved about it, i just want to reiterate that its worse than my driving on the right hand side of the road. Speaking of driving on the right hand side of the road, I saw a bloke on a scooter the other day casually riding on the right hand side of the road - either he had just come back from the states or Europe or he just thought it was ok and he could fit between the gutter and all the oncoming traffic........ either way he was an idiot.

Well if you have made it this far with the "Kane version" of brief blog then well done! I miss all 6 of you very much and the comforts of familiarity are present............

Hey just quickly - anybody managed to catch that pig spreading his cough in NZ? And if any of you have caught the cough but not the pig - well in the words of a wise man who once said.......... best thing for you is to "go walk it off".

Ja-ne from the Zebra (Zespri silver) abroad.

Nee ban - Japaneasing myself into it......

2009-06-17T01:16:00.000-07:00

I have been here over a month now - its been a blast and a real eye opener........ the cultural differences are huge. I have been introduced to a number of things, all of which i at some certain level thought i was ready for but during these new experiences then realised i had quietly and completely mis-judged these moments...... for example i thought they all just ate rice and whale here......... maybe the occasional cat or dog..... the food here so far has been far from tiresome. Yes a lot of it is rice and you're going to turn into a walking paddy field if you dont mix it up - but mixing it up so far has resulted in me eating raw chicken, cartilage bits, raw liver and the heart of some animal i know wasn't a chicken because it was too big, and wasn't a lamb because it was too small.......... the questions surrounding that evening out hmmmmmmmmm (no whale eaten yet quintip or leon) ha ha.......

so i got myself along to a really flash karaoke bar here in Okayama..... i sung, i drunk, i went along with it.......... i still HATE karaoke and cant understand the neurological affliction associated with so many people liking it here...... cultural difference exhibit b!

I visited Hiroshima (peace museum very moving), Osaka (i flew in their too so blah blah), and Kobe (earthquake massiveness) over the last few weekends - Hiroshima you cant really plan for - any expectation you have will not be what you find in this alive and busy, yet historically sad city.

Electronics - 2 of the 5 people reading this have asked me about it and.......... its the same as back home - just done better, and more you have much more selection regarding whats on offer. I saw a navigation system for your car the other day that was in (accurate to your surroundings) 3D........and an external hard drive........ wow wee you may say but...... it was a terabyte for $200..... thats nz dollars......... or as my cousin says "5 really nice shiny stones from back home should do it"!

Well i have my classroom now......... new new new sums it up best. Everything is spik and sp sp sp span spanking new.

about 15 children over two classes ranging from 4 years old to 6 years old....... you cant help but feel, as one friend put it, "a little paternal".

which brings me to my next point....... i swear without a word of a doubt i have been asked "would you like a girlfriend"? and been given a short list of desirable ready for the ongoing tasks of serving my needs, on multiple occasions all be it only missing a brochure or pamphlet to order them with......

Now driving (sorry mum but this really gets on my goat and expletives till now have been well restrained) - these guys are SHIT! Everyone here is living in a bubble, and driving around with those things that race horses use to cover their eyes! I was out with one of the girls from work the other night and she backed up to the restaurant that we were going to..... back..... back..... back..... SMACK. She basically backed her car into the front door of the restaurant at walking speed......... and if i didnt think that was bad - well i got a huge surprise the other day when i saw a guy who had 3 lanes to choose from sitting at the lights on the wrong side of the road!!!!!! DUDE!! ARE ALL THE CARS COMING STRAIGHT AT YOU NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING???? 3 LANE OPTIONS AND YOU PICK OPTION NUMBER 4.............. DICK HEAD!!!!!

ok rant over and done with......... and so too shall i end the bigger blah biddy blah here......... i have a class to go and join........ i wonder how much is being learnt when all the kids do is throw balls at the teacher........... maybe japans next shot putt team i have in the making.... their aim is getting better!

oh yeah and random tidbit i have learnt - the masks they wear that i always thought was to protect from pollution.......... not the case at all. Its to protect others from sickness - if you see someone wearing the mask then they are probably feeling a little sick themselves and are wearing it to protect YOU from getting sick.

and cherry blossoms are........... just WOW......... so gorgeous.

So from here in Japan, catch ya later bros!

chur chur

Ichi ban - The Kiwi Zespri has landed!

2009-06-17T00:46:00.000-07:00

Hey guys and Steve in Europe (you know who you are),

I'm sitting in my classroom right now - its all good here - and to save myself a bit of time im going to bloggerise myself, now there seems to be no structure to this bleat so you will notice it is all over the show but blah blah just read it for an update - alternatively if you think you could do without it then you should all have a window close button nearby..... the question is what brought you here in the first place?

now its very different to back in nz, or even Europe for that.... they have a different attitude in regards to how one should live life, its all very courteous and giving and everyone respects one anothers stuff - since being here i havent seen one mark on any buildings....... tagging doesn't exist which is nice. the only pricks here are foreigners apparently - so im trying to avoid that band wagon. (oh yeah and the yakuza who are a nasty piece of work....... they mess with you if you mess with them - a not so in your face gang - but very horrible all the same).

food is healthy - super healthy........ its like this, i just had a drink which had 7 vegetables and 3 fruits in it and it tasted like pure grape juice...... they know how to do funky things with food..... no preservatives and 0% sugar........ i have found the whale meat.... mean as steaks of it guys... so now to go buy it and eat it!......... watch this space.

i have a boss who i havn't spoken a word of sense to yet....... he knows English like i know Japanese. i have done one week of observing - next week i teach and then the week after im solo....... i love it! the kids are so cool.... im teaching around 5 years of age - the English is as good as a 5 year old in nz and they are super curious.

the girls here are surprisingly fit - im not an Asian girl fan, but you cant ignore some of the beauty out there..... and a European looking bloke like myself draws some attention for sure......... none i have yet to encounter as being bad ha ha..... now what to say to them? konichiwa hite hite!

im living with my cousin at the moment on a couch in a house for which its entirety wouldn't be bigger than a large lounge back in nz ha ha na that's an exaggeration - think of it like one room big enough for a double bed then times that by 7 now put a kitchen and bathroom into that space...... oh yeah and a wash room, a lounge and a bedroom..... hmm maybe its easier if i just send photos....... either way its not that tiny.

technology here supersedes the west (no surprises there aye stu!) with every toilet seat being heated and every car having a tv in the dashboard ha ha....... absolutely mad (and the discovery has only just begun)...... and the stereotype about Asians and shit driving has been nothing but been re - enforced coming here - i saw a guy yesterday try and do a u turn from hard left to the opposite side of a 4 lane main street! Dick! and then you have red light runners who stop first then half way through a light change have a brain melt down and decide to go........ idiots..... but im sure this all comes back to bloody tvs in the dashboards of cars here!!!!!!!!!

everyday im eating something new..... i had raw octopus yesterday and im going to give fish eggs a go tonight. The octopus suckers pop in your mouth......... my cousin says i have to stop bringing all this weird shitty asian food home ha ha but im here to get involved right?!?!?

gambling is a big no no here - you can do it as long as money isnt involved....... so my first weekend here had me found at the center of an illegal poker tournament...... i made it to the last 4 and then bust..... 10 or so players....... the game i could follow - the chatter in between i couldn't......

immigration - for those of you who didn't already know..... they didn't stick a finger up my bum - but they did hold me in a cell for over an hour.... language issues and visa worries - once i figured out what was going on it had kinda sorted itself out....... ha ha

i got on the train after a mind boggling mission trying to understand where the trains actually were......... and they had employed 3 people to stand at the end of the platform and wave goodbye to the train - what a first (second , third) impression......!

the ticket guy came along asked me for my ticket then everyone elses one by one....... then once all were collected he returned to the middle of the train and thanked everyone - either that or he told everyone to get stuffed and not to sit on the train longer than your paid for stop......... i wasn't too sure obviously - but he seemed nice enough. He then bowed about a million times and left.

this last week has had as many new "oh my god moments" in it that im overly eager to see what tonight brings let alone tommorrow!

arghhh so much more to tell but i have to run and catch some kids (and not in the scary trench coat and dark glasses fashion), i cant sit here all day on email.......... im now responsible for the youth of japan and thier ability to interact with western english speaking countries ohh the humor of it all is almost uncontainable! ha ha ha - hey everything is sweet as aint it kids?

i hope everything is well back home and abroad - mum sorry about the language in this blorerog but im sure you will overlook those areas ha ha

miss you all heaps and heaps

x x x